ME, LAST YEAR; 45th Installment

Wish they might lecture Kerry some time to stop driving us crazy with a new camp song he learned. It’s about a skunk who gets his revenge. And Kerry sings it all the time, and he’s driving us up the wall with it.

He sings: “Oh, I stuck my head in a little skunk’s hole,
and the little skunk said ‘well bless my soul’ (likely, huh?)
take it out, take it out, take it out, remove it.
Oh, I didn’t take it out and the little skunk said
if you don’t take it out you’ll wish you were dead,
take it out, take it out, take it out, remove it.
Phew! I removed it.”

If we could, we would give that little skunk a little lecture about how to really sock it to Kerry, but then that’s not very realistic, just wishful thinking on our part. Kerry just thinks he’s so smart. I suppose he is in some ways, but he’s irritating beyond belief, and there never, ever seems to be any end to it.


We all put our sleeping bags and stuff on the beds and got out our pajamas and soap and toothbrushes. Mr. Farraday is a health nut or something, (maybe just a plain nut) because he said we’ve all got to wash up and brush our teeth before we go to bed. What’s he think? We’re all back home again?

“It’s all right for him, his cabin is a lot closer to the wash house, but we’ve got further to go, and we’ll probably freeze, on the way back”, Diane said.

“Can’t you just imagine the headlines in the morning?” Jennifer T said: “Five innocent schoolgirls found frozen, while washing up in the wild north woods of Upper Canada?”

“Verrrry funny! I just happen to be serious”, Diane said, not laughing like the rest of us. “I happen to have a very delicate constitution.”

“Are you kidding?” Laura said, “I don’t remember you ever being sick.”

“That’s only because I take such good care of myself. I don’t care what Mr. Farraday says, I for one am not prepared to take such foolish chances with my health.”

“Yay, Diane!” I said. “Me too, I’ve got very delicate health too. You and me can take care of the cabin while the others go out and be good little girls, and get all washed up.”

“It’s for your own good, Jen” Laura said, looking at me very disapprovingly, like I was covered with dirt, or already sprouting green things on my skin, beginning to kind of smell peculiar or something-like.

“For my own good, I’ve decided to stay in the cabin instead of washing up. Me and Diane”, I said, shivering even at the thought of washing with cold water in an unheated cabin, then hurrying back to our little cabin.

“You’ll smell so bad by the time we’re ready to leave”, Jennifer T said, laughing at me “that no one will want to go near you.”

“Suit me fine”, both Diane and me said in unison and it sounded so funny, we all laughed our heads off.

ME,LAST YEAR; 44th Installment

Afterwards, we cleaned up. Then we all took off, to look around the place. We’re supposed to - when we hear two gongs, go to the mess hall to assemble. One gong is for meals. We found out later that three gongs meant the tuck shop was open. Yeah, there was a tuck shop open twice a day. Once in the morning, and then again in the afternoon. You could get all kinds of stuff there, like chocolate bars and soda pop.

Some of the kids got up a basketball game, and some of the guys played baseball. And there were badminton racquets and birdies lying around, so the bunch of us played for a while. Then we decided to go on down to the water, to have a look around for a while. So the five of us took off down the path.

It was really, I mean really, beautiful there, with great huge evergreens all over the place, and lining the pathway. You had to watch your step because there were big rocks all over the place, right in the path and you could break your neck if you weren’t watching. Great big tree roots were jangled all over the pathway too, and sometimes it seemed like they were just lying there, waiting for you to come along, so they could trip you.

The nicest thing was all the chipmunks, though. I never, ever, saw so many chipmunks before in my life. I wouldn’t ever believe there were so many chipmunks! What we did, was try to coax some of them to come over to us, but they wouldn’t. I’d love to be able to hold a chipmunk, they’re so small and cute and cuddly-looking.

Anyway, we were told we weren’t supposed to go too near any little critters in case they had rabies or something, it being springtime and all that. No fear of Sally getting bitten by anything. Anything that sees her sour face would run like crazy in the opposite direction.

Now that we’re together all the time, like not at school, and we keep crossing each other’s paths, she keeps saying nasty things to her friends about us. Where does she get off, calling us little goody-goodies anyway? We’re not all that good.

Down at the water, anyway, we picked up all kinds of interesting looking stones, and tried to skip the flat ones. There were some other guys down there too, like some of the guys that’re nice in our class, and they were okay.

Kerry came down too, after awhile, and he tried to skip stones, but he wasn’t having any luck, so he said he was going to look for chipmunks and try to get them, instead. I hope some tree root trips him, and a chipmunk gives him a good nip on the bum so he’ll know better than to throw stones at them.

I wasn’t doing too good skipping stones, and I was getting kind of mad, but then Mark LaPointe (he’s very nice, actually) came over and showed us how to throw them properly. It was very nice of him, and some of the other guys came over too, and showed us, but we still didn’t do so hot, and instead we just sat around and kind of talked. I liked that. Like, I hardly ever get to talk to any guys, just my brothers, and they don’t count, much.

Later, Mr. Henderson got us all assembled and went over compass bearings with us. Most of us knew all that stuff anyway from girl Guides and Brownies. The guy who runs the place told us about the different kinds of trees on the property, and he talked about the kind of animals that come around. Like grey squirrels, and raccoons and red fox. He even said there were some grey wolves around in the winter; deer too. Personally, I wouldn’t mind seeing some deer, but I sure hope the wolves know winter’s over, and have taken off.

The tuck shop didn’t open the first day, but we had a very nice supper of mashed potatoes (ucky carrots) and hamburgers in rolls, with fruit cocktail for dessert.

Mr. Henderson divided us up into squads, and the first squad (which wasn’t us) had to clean up the dishes and stuff, from dinner. While we were eating, little chipmunks kept running through the mess mall down at the other end to where we were sitting.

Wouldn’t you know it, Kerry rolled bread into hard balls to bonk them off at the chipmunks? But they were too fast, and he didn’t even hit one of them.

That didn’t stop Kerry, though. I guess he figured if he couldn’t get chipmunks he’d get the girls. I’d like to see him try that stuff on the guys, some time. I bet they wouldn’t be such easy targets.

This was different than in school though, and the girls started making bread balls too, and we all let him have it. It was fun while it lasted, but when Mr. Henderson and Mr. Farraday finally noticed what was going on they made us stop it. We got a lecture about wasting good food, you know?

ME, LAST YEAR; 43rd Installment

Well, the big morning came and it was a really beautiful-looking day, out the window. Everything was packed the night before, and Mom made me take with all kinds of things I know I won’t even need. And I’ve got to take with a real heavy jacket; she thinks we’ll all freeze, there.

Brian helped me take my things down. He carried the sleeping bag, and I took my stuffed backpack. It’s a good thing I didn’t have to carry the food bag too, but we took that to school yesterday evening.

All the kids were milling around, when we got there, and we left our stuff in the front vestibule, and then went to home room. Kerry was more excited than anyone, and he kept whooping, and Mr. Bryant whipped in from across the hall to keep telling him to shut up. I guess Mr. Henderson was busy out front, helping to get stuff on the bus.

Were we ever surprised, when Mr. Henderson came in. It was the first time we had ever seen him out of a suit. He was wearing jeans, just like us, and an open-neck shirt, and he had the cutest leather cowboy hat on that made him look so young…kind of. I guess he isn’t so old, like old-old, after all. He got us all out to the bus, and we had to squish on, three to a seat, because our luggage took up so much room.

Those rattly old school buses sure don’t give you the smoothest ride. We sang “There’s a bump on a log”, and “Old Susannah”, and “Frere Jacques”, and some other songs. It was kind of loud, and a couple of times the bus driver shouted at us to tone it down.

Mr. Henderson and Mr. Farraday weren’t on the bus, they were driving over in Mr. Henderson’s car. Mr. Henderson took Kerry with them in the car, because he thought Kerry was too rambunctious to go in the bus, like he’d cause an accident, or something. Maybe hang out the window and grab some passing car’s radio antenna, or something. I wouldn’t put anything past that kid.

We all had our lunches with us, because we were told to bring them because the cook wouldn’t have enough time to get too much prepared for us right off. So everybody kept digging into their bags and getting out stuff to eat, and throwing stuff around, and the bus turned out a real mess. It took a long time to get to the camp, even though it was only forty miles away, because the bus driver got kind of lost.

He said the directions weren’t clear enough, and we were driving him crazy. I don’t blame him. Anyway, he went for at least an hour in the wrong direction before he caught on it was wrong, and then turned around and went right. Some of the boys gave him a raspberry buzz, because they wanted him to keep going in the wrong direction.

Finally, when we did get to the camp site, we got off the bus all cramped, because it was a really tight fit. No one had any lunch left, and it was only just after eleven o’clock. The bus was a mess, and Mr. Henderson made us go through it to clean it up before it left. Then he let us have a look around the place.

It was really beautiful, and the day was so warm, we all took off our jackets. The mess hall was really huge. It ended up we only used two long tables, though, even though there’re all kinds of them there. And what was really neat was the little chipmunks running around in there, popping in and out of places, looking for food leftovers, I guess. They’re the cutest little critters, for sure. Cuter even than guinea pigs.

The cabins were all built of cement blocks and there were real rough bunk beds inside. On the bunk beds there were old mattresses and pillows, and they kind of smelled. Like awful. As in disgusting. We took them outside and banged them around, and you should’ve seen all the dust and sand come flying out of them!

We took them back in, a little lighter from the sand knocked out of them, but they still smelled. Awful in fact. Just as well Mom wasn't around, she'd refuse to let me sleep on one of them, saying they were harbouring all kinds of dangerous germs, or something.

Every cabin had a broom and a shovel, and a long roll of fly-paper hanging from the ceiling. Full of flies. Yuck! And double-yuck!

We were high up above the water, like on a gradual cliff almost, that looked over the water. And was it ever blue! The water, I mean. There was a path that went through the camp with the cabins placed here and there on the trail, and at the end of the trail you could go down to the water, over big rocks.

Down below was where the boathouse was located, of course, next to the lake. That's where the canoes and life jackets and paddles were stored. Up above the cabins, on flatter ground, there were tennis courts and a baseball diamond, and it looked like we’d have plenty to do.

We were all hungry, like ravenous, and complaining about it, and Mr. Henderson told us we’d hear a gong to call us in for meals. At suppertime, he said. We all groaned. We were starving and he didn't even care! He laughed at our moaning faces. And then we heard a great big gong. We all ran like crazy, for the mess hall.

The cook had prepared cream of tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for us. I absolutely HATE cream of tomato soup, and grilled cheese sandwiches not so much. But these were different. They were delicious. That was some cook!

ME, LAST YEAR; 42nd Installment

“I guess Miss Blount really was sick with the flu, huh, Jennifer?”

“Well, sure. What did you think?” she said.

“I kind of thought she was broken-hearted and stayed at home.”

“You mean because of Mr. Farraday?”

“Uh-huh, kind of.”

“I don’t know what everyone sees in him, anyway. He’s not so great.”

“Oh, he’s all right. It’s just that he’s so good looking, I guess, and he likes to fool around with the girls.”

“Looks aren’t everything. There’s other teachers who’re a lot nicer.”

“That’s true, even though he’s nice too. But can you imagine any of the kids getting a crush on Mr. Bryant? Or Mr. Henderson?”

“Oh yeah, they’re kind of old.”

“That's it! Mr. Farraday is young and good-looking, and fun and so no wonder all the girls run after him.”

“Well, I sure don’t. You don’t. Who’s all the girls?”

“You know - we always see a bunch of girls around him. Jane says half the girls in her class are in love with him.”

“Okay, I know what you mean. But you know what I think?”

“What?"

“I think he knows all that. Like, he knows he’s young and good-looking. And he knows half the girls in the school have a crush on him. That’s why he’s always running around in his shorts and gym outfit through the school. Like, he wants to see the girls running after him. I think he’s a juvenile, myself. He’s just too stuck on himself.”

“Maybe you’re right. Anyway, who cares?”

“I guess. You just wouldn’t ever see me running after anybody who loves himself that much.”

And I guess she’s right, in a way. It does seem like Mr. Farraday is very fond of himself. And he’s always fooling around with the girls. Like I know it’s harmless and stuff, because Mom says it is. She says it’s just because he’s a nice young man. But I guess Jennifer’s right too. He is kind of stuck on himself. Poor Miss Blount.

But he is a good teacher. I know, because Brian thinks he’s the greatest, and he even has Brian so enthusiastic that he does exercises in the recreation room every night. To keep in shape, he says. That got a big laugh out of dad, who suggested taking out the garbage, instead.

ME, LAST YEAR; 41st Installment

The last lesson I had with Bob at the university, he told me I was coming along much better. I got my flute back from the music repair shop. We had waited a while before getting it fixed, and another couple of pads fell out, but now they’re fixed. My flute is really great. Even I can hear the difference. It’s in much better tune now. Bob says I still have to work on my embrasure.

“Don’t you look in a mirror at home as I recommended? You’d get a better idea then, how you should be forming your mouth and expelling air into the flute.”

“Well, I’m trying”, I said. “It’s just I’m not so keen on looking at myself in the mirror, especially blowing. I mean, I look silly enough most of the time. When I’m doing that, I look even goofier.”

“You’re not serious!” he said. Pretending to fall back with shocked surprise (he’s really a lot of fun). “A pretty girl like you? If I looked like you I’d be snatching views of myself in the mirror all the time to see if I was still there.”

It wasn’t as if he was really giving me a compliment and saying I’m nice to look at, not really. Because he was just kidding. But anyway, it made me feel so good to hear somebody - especially a guy - say that. Mom and Dad are always saying I’m pretty, but they’re prejudiced in my favour. They just think that because I’m their kid I’ve got to be pretty. Maybe I do look nice after all. It’s just that when I look in the mirror I don’t see myself pretty at all.


We didn’t have a sleeping bag, so Dad went out and bought one on his lunch-time at work. Helps that he works downtown and there’s a couple of big camping supply places nearby. We’re all so excited at school, it’s almost like we can’t settle down any more, and do any work. Mr. Henderson gave us separate lists of what we’re all supposed to bring in the way of food, to cut down on the expenses. Because we’re doing it that way, we only have to pay five dollars for each kid that’s going.

Most of the kids are going, and I feel sorry for the ones who aren’t, because they’ll have to go to some other area while we’re away, and do work all the time.

We had a geography test today, and a history test. Everything at once, as usual! I guess they think we’re going to have such a good time while we’re away, they don’t want us to forget what’s waiting for us when we get back. As if we could. I was too excited to concentrate, and Jennifer was too. And we don’t think we did too good on the tests.


That was such a simple pattern, there’s almost nothing left to do on the dresses. They’re not bad, but Miss Blount pointed out that we should have cut them a little better, like mine’s kind of long, and I’ll have to put up a big hem, but Jennifer’s is hardly long enough, and she’ll barely be able to get a hem on hers. Oh well, still, they’re pretty good for two kids who’ve never made a dress before. Now we’ve made them though, neither of us knows what we’ll do with them.

Jennifer sometimes wears a skirt but I don’t, ever. She’ll probably get to wear her dress, but I’m not all excited about wearing mine, ever. I can just hear Mom now: “Then what on earth did you make it for?”

I shouldn’t have, because now she’ll hassle me all the time to wear it. I like it, all right. And it doesn’t look bad on, if you like a bright yellow dress that looks like a nightie, but I wouldn’t wear it. If it fits Mom I’ll tell her she can wear it. Hey, that’s not a bad idea. I can always give it to her for a present.

ME, LAST YEAR; 40th Installment

At recorder classes Bianca has been giving us harder pieces to play. She’s started giving me solo pieces, so maybe she thinks I’m improving. I sure think I am. We had a concert for the parents the other night, and Daddy groaned “another concert!”, and Mom said, “Dear, how can you say that? We love concerts!” And she kind of nudged him, and I know it’s like telling him, don’t talk like that, you‘ll hurt her feelings, or something.

Larry said he’d go, just to hear how bad the little kids performed. Meaning me, of course. And Brian said he wouldn’t, he just wouldn’t go. Actually, what he did say was he’d be damned if he’d go to another bloody concert. How do you like that? Everybody’s so used to his talking like that that not either Mom nor Dad said anything at all. Well, actually, Dad said “you bloody well will!”.

So he did. Brian, I mean. He went to the concert and sat away down in his seat, and kept his ears covered with his hands. Mom was disgusted with him, and called him an uncultured clod, but Dad said he’s never going to insist Brian go to another concert again that he doesn’t want to attend. I guess we were pretty bad.

Mom told Bianca that I have a flute teacher now, and Bianca said she might be able to squeeze me into the Saturday morning group soon, because I’ve been improving, although she looked at me hard and said I could still do a lot better. Practise, she said. Practise! Crap! I practise plenty. I’m just not a music-looney like Larry. There’s other things to do, besides play music all the time.


There’s a rumour going around the school, that Mr. Farraday and Miss Hennesley have been going out together. They make a very nice pair, because they’re both very good-looking, and they’re both interested in sports and things. They’re both Phys.Ed. Teachers and both of them are always running around in shorts, even in winter. Too bad for Miss Blount, if it’s true, and Jane says it is. I don’t know how she always gets to hear this stuff first, but she does.

“Did you hear the latest?” I asked the girls, when we were sitting around in home room. Actually, it wasn’t really, really gossiping. Like I mean, everyone knew about it, almost.

“Hey, what?” Donna asked. Honestly, she’s so eager to hear stuff you’d swear her ears really do kind of perk up (reminds me of a little piglet, actually). Now I’m losing weight and even I can see it, and Mom keeps getting after me to eat more, but I won’t. Anyway, now I’m losing weight, it seems as if Donna keeps gaining more. She’s kind of frustrated about being fat and what she does, because she’s frustrated, is keep eating more. At lunch time, me and Diane keep telling her to stop buying all that junk, but she says she’s hungry, and goes ahead anyway. Well, it’s her life, and what can you do, anyway?

“Did you hear about Mr. Farraday and Miss Hennesley? They’re going out together, now.”

“Yeah? How do you know. Did they ask you out with them?”

“Oh, ha-ha, funny! No, Jane Parker - you know, over in CK-W - she was at my party, you met her there, remember? Well, she says. And she always knows. She said they’re always fooling around together.”

“That’s natural”, Jennifer said. “Don’t forget Jen, they’re both Phys.Ed. Teachers and they’ve got to plan things together and divide up the gym-time and equipment, and stuff."

“Oh yes, I know. But it’s not like that. They’re supposed to be going out on dates, and stuff.”

“Hey, but I thought he was going out with Miss Blount! Weren’t they?” Diane asked.

“Well, they were, all right. Boy, I wonder how she feels about all that?”

“Why shouldn’t people go out with other people. You’re silly, you girls. If a guy is going to go out with someone it doesn’t mean he isn’t going to go out with someone else. They’re probably all just friends.” Jennifer, always the sensible one.

“Well, we’ll find out, won’t we?” Diane said. “I mean, if it doesn’t matter, and they’re all just friends, and I think that’s very nice and all, but if it isn’t that way, I’ll just bet Miss Blount is going to be in a lousy mood. We’ve got Home Economics tomorrow Jennifer. You just wait and see.”

And when we had our Home Ec. Class we couldn’t see because there was a replacement teacher who told us that Miss Blount will be away for a few days. She has the flu. Kind of fishy, if you ask me. Winter’s over, and that’s flu time, not spring. Even if it is just early spring.

I’m getting to be awful! Just like some other people I know. I better stop talking like that about people.

ME, LAST YEAR; 39th Installment

Somebody’s father in the crowd started asking questions when the guy said he’d answer any questions. “I’m with the Boy Scouts”, this guy said. “I know what it’s like when you get kids into that kind of atmosphere. They play around and in the cabins they’ll be throwing pillows around, that kind of thing. I happen to know that there’s no electricity in those cabins. If the kids are going to be using kerosene lamps, I think you should be aware that there’s a danger there, a potential fire hazard.”

Whoopee! Just what we needed. I took a sideways look at Mom and here she was, nudging Dad, and the way they looked at each other, I kind of thought I was going to be in trouble about going.

“Yes, we’ve thought of all that”, the guy said. “Mr. Henderson and I will make certain that all the lamps are out at a certain hour, and we’ll actually remove them from the cabins overnight. No need to fear about that. It can be a problem, but we’re attuned to it.”

“You’ll be having a large group of lively boys and girls together at this camp”, a lady spoke up. “How will you be able to maintain any discipline and decorum?”

“I beg your pardon, Madam?” the camp operator said.

“I mean”, the lady stopped and got red. “What I mean is, how do you know the boys - you know how they behave sometimes - how do you know they won’t go off into any of the girls’ cabins at night?”

Everybody - well, almost everybody - laughed. I noticed Mom didn’t. Crap!

“I assure you, Madam”, the guy said, after everyone stopped laughing. “The group will be well chaperoned. And please remember, these are decent young people. It’s to be expected that they’ll be high-spirited, and want to have a little fun. I’ve had a great deal of experience with this kind of thing. I’ve been involved in one way or another for over twenty years with this camp, and believe me, when I say the hi-jinks are all done in good clean fun, this is true. There is nothing, I repeat, nothing for you to worry about, regarding your daughter’s uh, safety.”

“Thank you for that reassurance”, she said, looking awfully embarrassed. “But I don’t have a girl going. It’s my son who’s going.”

And this time everyone laughed. Even Mom.

“Would it be all right if some of the kids took with things like cameras?” another man asked. “I mean, is there any danger of theft?”

“Well, you must understand”, the camp operator told him, “we cannot be held responsible for the theft of valuable objects. Regardless of how well we attempt to keep an eye on things, these things will happen. You will appreciate, I’m certain, there is no way of checking everything. The cabins can’t be locked, and anything left in them may be susceptible to theft. Therefore, I would emphasize that we tend to discourage children from taking with them any valuables.”

He answered some more questions, and then they gave out a list of the stuff we’d need to take with. It was called our camp kit. And there was a small map that showed the way to the camp too, and he said any parents who wanted to, could come out for a visit. Ugh!

Here we are, trying to get always from it all, and here this guy comes along and says come on over!

Most of the kids’ parents were there, and it was funny to match the kids up with their parents. Like, some of the kids look like their parents, and some of them don’t. It turned out that Mom and Dad knew some of the parents, and Dad even worked with two of the fathers. Sally’s mother didn’t even look at me, although she had met me before, when we used to go around there, sometimes. I introduced Mom and Dad to Jennifer T’s parents, and they had a nice little conversation.

Wouldn’t you know it, Mom said how nice Jennifer is, to her mother, and Mrs. Thackeray said how nice I am, to my mother. She even said I’m such a pretty girl. I didn’t know who she was talking about at first. Laura’s parents couldn’t make it, so me and Jennifer took copies of the list and map for her, like we promised we would.

When we got home, Brian was all mad, because the grade sevens weren’t going, and he wants to go camping, too. Boy, is he ever a brat! He gets to see all kinds of great movies and stuff like that, and his home room teacher gets in pizzas and stuff for the kids at lunch time sometimes, and we never get stuff like that.

Crap! If we ever get to see a movie, it’s about health, or geography, or something like that, and then we’ve got to do an assignment, or a test on it. He gets to see Laurel and Hardy movies, and he even saw the original Frankenstein movie. What’s he got to complain about, anyway?

Larry said wouldn’t it be a pity if a skunk kidnapped me, or something. He thought it would be a good idea, if I made out a will before the trip, and left my flute to him. Is he ever a greedy pig. They’re both jealous because I’m going to have fun, and they’re not. (Even though Larry said he wouldn’t be caught dead camping, I know better.)

ME, LAST YEAR; 38th Installment

I told Jennifer about my new music lessons and she thinks it’s really nice for me. She’s been teaching me a little how to play her organ and it’s balls of fun. Larry thinks an organ stinks and I told him he’s a musical bigot. He calls it the “big wheeze”, but I think he’s a big wheeze himself.

At school me and Jennifer are kind of awkward about Laura. I mean, what are we supposed to do about her? Before, it was all right, because there was the six of us together most of the time and then we went off in pairs always, me and Jennifer, Diane and Donna and Laura and Sally. Now Laura doesn’t spend much time with Sally at school, but she says she still fools around with her after school.

What happens is, she’s kind of left-over. She either hangs around with Diane and Donna in some classes, or me and Jennifer T. We don’t really feel all that happy with her around, almost like she’s a traitor, but we can’t let her be all alone, either. It’s a real problem, and she’s not as happy either, as she used to be.

Sally doesn’t much bother with any of us anymore either, not that we’d want her to. We kind of say ‘hi’, and not much else, and that suits us fine. She fits in with that other bunch of creeps pretty good now, and we’ve even seen her smoking in the washroom. It’s okay, if that’s what she wants.

I’m doing much better in math now, and my marks are almost as good as Jennifer’s. It did help, going to Mr. Bryant’s extra math classes, and he was very nice to us kids who stayed. Like, he really tried to help us dummies. And Jennifer helps me too, when I’m over at her house, but we don’t like to do too much of that because there’s always other things to do that’re far more interesting.

Well, what we did notice, because everyone kind of shows off their marks when they do good, is that Sally isn’t doing so good anymore. She had asked Mr. Henderson if she could change her home-room seat when she started to hang out with the other kids and he said okay. He’s easy that way. And she did the same with Mr. Bryant. So she did, she went over to sit with her new friends, and wouldn’t you know it, they’re all lousy at math and geography. Ha! It doesn’t help her now, much, to sneak over someone’s shoulder to get the answers, because all the answers she gets are bound to be wrong. Anyway, she doesn’t seem to care all that much anymore.

Mr. Henderson sent out notices to the parents interested in having their kids go out for that camping trip, and he said we could come, too, to the meeting. So Mom and Dad and me went to the meeting in the evening and sat around while Mr. Henderson and some other guy who stays out there all the time or something, told us all about the place. The other guy was introduced as the camp manager.

This guy showed slides and explained about the cabins and stuff, and like what we’d be doing there. He said there’s canoes, and one of the teachers going with (Probably Mr. Farraday, because he’s all involved in sports and everything), will be teaching us the basics of canoeing.. We won’t be going swimming, because the weather’s nowhere near warm yet, but the lake looked really beautiful in those slides.

There’s a long privy (he called it), divided, one side for girls, the other side for boys, with running water and toilets, and if we want to take a shower, there’s showers too. Personally, I think we do enough of that at home, and if we’re going to rough it, we shouldn’t spoil things by taking showers.

There’s a big mess hall that’s sure to be a mess when all of us get through eating there, and a cook, and people to do things that need to be done. He said we’ll probably be doing our own cleaning-up after, like keeping the cabins neat and cleaning up dishes and pots after meals. Sounds fine to me, there’s a lot of kids to pitch in and help.

We’ve got to bring sleeping bags and warm clothing, because it’s plenty cold yet. At least, he said, we won’t be bothered by mosquitoes and black flies because it’s much too early in the season. That’s a relief. I don’t mind roughing it, but I wouldn’t look forward to concentrated flying-squad attacks. I HATE mosquitoes! And I hear black flies are a whole lot worse, if that’s remotely possible.

ME, LAST YEAR; 37th Installment

When Tuesday rolled around Mom decided she would go along with Daddy and me to meet my flute teacher. His name is Bob Blackstone. I can guess why, kind of. Probably she wanted to look him over, or something. To check if he’s okay and all that, to leave me with him. If I ever have kids, I’m going to teach them common practical sense and then I’ll trust them to be intelligent enough to take care of themselves. Some mothers are just too much!

Well, when we got to the university school of music we could hardly find a place to park, and that put Dad in a bad mood, and then when he was turning around in the parking lot he had to kind of squeeze in, and he backed into something and the car scrunched and he swore and then they say I’m not supposed to, hah!

Mom said Mr. Blackstone was supposed to meet us in the front lobby. It’s kind of a big building on the university campus with a not-much-of-anything lobby, and we sat there in chairs for a few minutes. We were a little early, and then this guy came down some stairs and he and Mom looked at each other, just like African explorers. “Miss Feldman, I presume? “ And: “Mr. Blackstone?”

Then we got introduced all around and wouldn’t you know it, Mom had to say, “and this is our little girl”. I felt like turning around, like to see the little girl, and say, “where?” So he took us upstairs to the third floor by the staircase (we could’ve taken the elevator!) and then we went down long corridors and there were doors all over the place leading to practise rooms and lounges and there were people practising instruments in a lot of them.

All the way down the hall we could heard pianos, violins, flutes, trumpets, it was really weird. We went to the room we were supposed to use and Dad spoke to the guy for a little while, and they arranged a weekly lesson for me, and how much it would cost. And then Dad and Mom decided to go for a walk, and said they’d be back in a while.

Bob - he said to call him that - was really nice. He showed me his flute and we talked about different kinds. He said mine was really a good one. Then he asked me to play something for him. I had brought some of my music sheets along. He said I wasn’t bad, but he corrected my embrasure and some of my fingering, and it’s just like I’ve got to start all over again because I’m so used to blowing a certain way. It’s going to be very frustrating.

He checked the flute and showed me how a piece of paper just came easily out from under the keys, and he said some of my pads need to be replaced and the flute needs a tune-up. That’s nice; Dad’ll be so pleased.

Bob was really nice though, and I knew I’d like taking lessons from him. He ran me through scales and showed me how to watch myself in a big mirror on the wall, and we played, sometimes together, and it seemed like the hour was over in no time.

Someone was playing a flute in the practise room next to us, and I wondered who it was, they sounded really great. When I asked Bob if he knew who it was, he said one of his teachers, Jean-Luc Sauve! Imagine, right in the next room to where I was having a lesson!

When Dad and Mom came back we talked some more, and Bob told them about getting my flute a tune-up, and where a good place was to take it to. Just like I knew, Dad looked really happy about it all. But I’m so glad that I’m finally getting lessons, and I’m going to study really hard and play a lot, and be just as sure of myself as Sweetums Larry.

On the way home Dad asked did I enjoy myself, and stuff.

“Did he teach you anything much?” Dad asked.

“Well, he told me I’ve been doing almost everything wrong. So I guess you could say he’s been unteaching me.”

“That’s a new twist. I’m paying someone to unteach you. What else?”

“What do you mean, what else?”

“Are you going to fall in love with him, too?”

“Daaaad! How can you be so stupid! Mom, tell him to stop picking on me!”

Mom laughed. “Never mind, Dear, just ignore your father. He’s jealous every time he thinks you look at another male. He’s afraid of being supplanted in your affections.”

“Anyway”, Dad said (and he laughed) “I’ve got more hair than him. Did you notice? He’s about twenty years younger than me, probably more, and he’s already going bald on top.”

“Crap! Dad, what’s that got to do with anything? Do you expect me to learn from him, or flirt with him?”

“Hah! She’s got you there, old man”, Mom laughed, and reached over to mess up Dad’s hair. I’m glad she did. Dad hates it when his hair is messed up.

“Did you ask him what it’ll cost to fix up the flute?” Dad asked, and I got kind of ready to hear him get mad.

“Oh, he doesn’t think it needs too much work done. About forty dollars?” I knew it was a lot of money, but they want me to learn how to play too, not just me.

“My god!” Dad practically yelled. “It’s going to cost us a fortune to have you tootle ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star!”

So I got mad and said, take it out of my allowance.

“Are you kidding? If we did that you wouldn’t get any allowance for two years.”

ME, LAST YEAR; 36th Installment

“Did you hear the latest?” Jane asked me when we were through watching Cheeky, and we went up to her bedroom.

“What’s that?” I asked her. Jane doesn’t usually gossip much, and we kind of have different friends, anyway.

“Well”, she said, and her voice dropped very low, and she kind of sidled up closer to me: “June Parker - she’s a kid in my class - she said she saw Mr. Farraday and Miss Blount coming out of the teachers’ lounge and they were holding hands!”

“Hey, that’s interesting, all right! Is that all?"

“Well, I don’t know. One of the other kids says she saw them snuggling together one day, and he kissed her. I don’t know how she saw them, or anything, but she said she did. I trust June Parker though, she’s my friend and she doesn’t lie.”

“Well, I don’t see anything wrong with that, anyway. They’re both nice and good-looking and neither one is married. That’s very romantic, isn’t it?”

“I guess it is. But I can tell you a lot of the girls are going to be awfully disappointed, if it’s true. Haven’t you ever seen how some of the older girls act around him? They’ve all got crushes on him.”

“Yeah, sure I have. So what? He is awfully cute.”

“Wellll, when June told us, a group of us kids who hang out together you know, one of my friends’ name is Miriam Waddington, I don’t think you know her, well, she got all upset and ran out of the library and went into the washroom. June went after her, I didn’t want to, she’s June’s best friend, and she said she was crying like anything.

That’s what I mean. Some of the girls have a stupid crush on him. He’s a real heartbreaker. He encourages the girls to moon around after him too, like he’s always kidding around with them, you know?”

“Oh well, that’s too bad. She’ll get over it, though. She’s just a kid and he’s old.”

“He’s not all that old, you know. Anyway, haven’t you got any sympathy? She’s in LOVE with him! That’s what she says, anyway.”

“She’s too young to be in love, she’s just mad he’s interested in someone his own age. She’s just a kid, after all.”

“I don’t know. She’s over fourteen. That’s not so young. My parents met when they were around sixteen or something and then they went around with each other all the time.”

“Look, she was probably crying more from the cigarette smoke in that washroom than from being upset. Anyway, my mom says girls our age like to be emotional, she calls it being melodramatic.”

“Maybe, but she’s really old for her age, and everything. What if she was so upset she did something stupid?”

“Like what? Put a tack on his chair?”

“Ha-ha, fun-ny! No, I mean like commit suicide, or something.”

“Jane, you can’t be serious! Who would be that stupid?”

“Sure, I know it sounds stupid. But I think it’s beautifully romantic. And you never can tell what people will do when they’re in love, and the other person doesn’t love them. It’s very dramatic. I read a book once about unrequited love.”

There’s just no accounting for some tastes. Anyway, I hope Mr. Farraday and Miss Blount do hit it off. Maybe then she’ll start to be in a better mood and stop picking on me and Jennifer.

ME, LAST YEAR; 35th Installment

Anyway, Kerry was in a really good mood this afternoon. He was in Home Ec too, although not with us. He was in cooking class and come to think of it, maybe that’s why Miss Blount was in such a lousy mood. I’ll have to remember that.

What happens in cooking class is the kids are supposed to work in small groups and cook and bake together. Kerry is kind of hard to work with, so he’s allowed to do his own stuff, and what he does, Kerry, is double all the recipes. Like, you’re only supposed to cook in little bits, or you use too much stuff. Not Kerry, he likes to do lots and then he has a feast.

What happened this time though, was, he made cookies and I guess they didn’t come out right or something, because I don’t think any kind of cookies are supposed to be so hard they almost break your teeth.

Sometimes, if he’s in a good mood he’ll go around asking the kids he likes if they’d like to try some of his baking. He’s not really a bad guy, only he just gets on your nerves, sometimes. Poor Miss Blount.

What happened this time was, he made a lot as usual, but he must’ve done something awfully wrong, because he ended up with these hard little balls that he couldn’t eat and no one else wanted, either. He got mad when the other kids said, “No thanks, Kerry.”

So What he did was lob them off at guys during Geography class and one hit Mr. Henderson right behind the ear. Oh yeah, was he ever mad! He asked who was it threw it, and no one said anything, but he knew when he looked, because Kerry was sitting there so innocent, his eyes on the ceiling, hands folded neatly in front of him, and grinning ear to ear, but there was a pile of the hard bits on his desk.

Mr. Henderson sent Kerry down to the office, but I don’t know what for, because Kerry loves going to the office. He goes in there and sits around until someone notices him and he bugs the secretaries until they go and call Mr. Drouin and Mr. Drouin doesn’t seem to know what to do with him.

Sometimes he does like Mr. Henderson and sends Kerry out to run around the block, but last time he did that, a couple of days ago, Kerry took off and didn’t come back again. And anyway, lately he’s been going over to the confectionery store down the road and he brings back all kinds of junk.

We could almost have swum home from school, there was so much water around from all the melting snow. The park’s just full of great big puddles and the trees look like they’re drowning. You’ve got to watch it now, going through the park, because the little kids coming in the opposite direction, from the kiddie school, are real brats.

What they try to do is, when you’re going past a puddle minding your own business, they’ll throw something into the water so it splashes up at you and then they run like mad, laughing like lunatics, the nasty little social misfits.

People sure raise brats, nowadays. Things are different than what I remember, when I was a little kid. You can bet I was never a brat like that, all right.

And that’s not all. The other day when I was coming through the park I saw a bunch of kids standing under a big tree and when I went to see what they were doing, I saw they were watching one of the squirrels fooling around up in the branches, like they do.

Now, would you believe, some of those little kids were lobbing bits of ice at the squirrel. I could’ve swatted them. I didn’t, because I knew they’d let me have it as soon as I turned my back. What’re you going to do with brats like that? I don’t know why people raise kids when they let them behave like that, anyway.

When I went over to Jane’s house, I saw poor little Cheeky back from the vet’s again. He didn’t look as springy as he usually does, but he thumped his tail like crazy, when he saw me. He’s supposed to be kept quiet and rest, and I think they got him neutered so he won’t run around so much, anymore. Like, sometimes when we go down to breakfast, we see one of the girls or even their mother, running through the park after the little rascal.

ME, LAST YEAR; 34th Installment

In the afternoon, Mr. Henderson informed us about a special trip he was interested in planning for us. It sounds really great, and we’re all excited. He said he could make plans for us all to go away to a Boy Scout camp about thirty miles away, for about three days. It won’t exactly be for camping, but it’s something like that, anyway.

There’s a bunk house for sleeping, he said, and a mess hall for eating, and people there to cook, and stuff like that. He says it’s in a really great place right on a lake, and we can go canoeing and it’s being planned for late next month, if we’re all interested, like who wouldn’t be?

We spent half the afternoon instead of doing English, talking about the trip, and he said, since we’re all so enthusiastic, he’s going to go ahead and make application or whatever, and he’s going to get a flyer out to our parents to come to a planning meeting. We’re all so excited. It sounds really great, and it’s hard to concentrate now on anything else. I guess the day wasn’t a complete write-off, like we all feel a whole lot better about that stupid damn party.

When I told Mom about the trip, after school, she said “it sounds very nice, Dear”, but she didn’t look nearly so enthusiastic as I felt. Crap! Like I’m a little kid or something, and I’m not supposed to go away from mommy and daddy even for a few days. She said we’d talk more about it when we know more about the plans, and stuff like that. I’ll be so disappointed, if Mom and Dad decide their precious little darling babykins can’t go! I bet I’m about the only kid whose parents would be afraid a skunk would carry her off or something. On the other hand, it wouldn’t be so awful if a rabid mosquito gave that Sally a good bite, or if she wandered into a giant patch of poison ivy!

At Home Ec we all finished the stuffed animals and took them home. I got pretty good marks on mine, and so did Jennifer, but we both think it’s kind of stupid to make stuffed animals - like we’re not babies really, or anything. When I brought mine home, Mom thought it would have been a good idea to have given them from the entire class to the new children’s hospital that just opened, and she said I should tell Miss Blount that, but I don’t know if I will.

Anyway, she asked us what we’d like to do next and nobody said anything, so she said, “How about some more stuffed animals?” And and would you believe it, most of the kids said sure, great! Some of us are going to get our own patterns though - she said we could, and we’re going to make clothes or something.

Jennifer and me decided we’d use the same pattern and get some nice fabric and make a long dress. Will Mom ever be surprised. She’s always after me to wear a dress or a skirt. Anyway, I remembered, Mom has a pattern I like and it’s really easy to make a Tee-shirt dress and that’s what we’ll do. I’m supposed to ask Mom if we can use the pattern.

Miss Blount keeps reminding the class that we’re supposed to bring in two dollars to pay for supplies. I hope she doesn’t mean me and Jennifer, because we won't be using any school supplies at all. If she does ask us, we’ll tell her we won’t pay.

Mom said sure, we could use her pattern, and she went shopping with me to get some material. We got enough for Jennifer too because she wanted us to, and she’s going to pay us back. My fabric is yellow knit, with a funny little pattern in it, and hers is the same but a kind of green that she likes. Mom calls it chartreuse.

I took the stuff over to Jennifer’s house after school and we cut it out on the floor in the kitchen with her little brother getting in the way and everything - what a little pest! Mom said to be sure and be very careful when we did the cutting. She said it was the most important thing in starting, and she wanted us to do it at home where she could help us, but we wanted to do it all by ourselves. Anyway, we got it all cut and then fooled around a bit with Jen’s guinea pig.

Mom told me she finally arranged for me to get flute lessons with some guy who’s in his senior year of music at the university. Dad’s supposed to take me over next Tuesday night to meet the guy at the music department. I hope everything’s okay because I really want to start taking lessons. I’m never going to get anywhere without them.

When me and Jennifer got our cut-out material to school, Miss Blount came over to have a look. I don’t know why she bothers, the other kids are the ones who need her help, not us. Anyway, she looked at our stuff and said “that’s very interesting”, or something like that. She’s not as friendly as she used to be. I think maybe she’s mad because we’re doing something on our own, and we don’t need her help. But she said we could go ahead and do our own thing, after all. Anyway, she should be glad we’re not always calling her over, there’s enough kids who do.

I was a little mad at her because I had done some of the little bits at home and started on one sleeve, and so did Jennifer, too. Both of us had decided to do all the steps together, so we could look at each other’s stuff and kind of help one another. Well, wouldn’t you know it, Miss Blount didn’t think we did such a good job of the sleeve, as far as we got, and she made us take it apart and start all over again, like she says we should. And she said we didn’t do such a hot job of cutting the material. Crap! I’d like to see what kind of a good job she’d do with Jennifer’s bratty kid brother crawling all over the stuff, eh?

I guess she found enough things wrong about what we were doing to make her happy, so then she went away and bothered some other kids. Me and Jennifer did what she said, only because we don’t feel like having a hassle or anything.

“Hey, what difference do you think it makes, the way she said we should do, or the way we’ve already done it?” I said to Jennifer.

“I don’t know, but she sure is crabby today.”

“Are you going to rip out the stuff you did?”

“I guess we’d better. She’s in a bad mood now, if we don’t, she’ll get really mean.”

“It makes me kind of mad to do it, though. I showed it to my mom yesterday, when I got done, and she thought it was really good.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not your mom who’s going to be marking your work, right?”

And sure, I knew she was right. Like always, Jennifer is the sensible one and she always does the right thing. Only I hope Miss Blount isn’t going to be like this for long, because if there’s something I hate, it’s ripping out tiny stitches and stuff. After going to all the trouble to put them in in the first place. Some stupid, eh?

ME, LAST YEAR; 33rd Installment

On the way to school with Jane and Brenda Monday morning, they told me their little dog was sick on the weekend, and their mother was taking him to the vet’s to look after him. They were really sad, and I felt bad for them. They really love their little mutt. Like, I would feel real unhappy if anything ever happened to Munchkin and Grumpkin, even if Mom does think I’m getting too old for them.

We met up with Jennifer T before we got to the school and we went the rest of the way together. She told us what fun she had at her cousin’s house sleeping over there, and all that, like what they did, and all. It must be really nice to have a cousin and she’s your age and you can stay over with her, and stuff like that. We don’t have anyone like that. I wish we did. And anyway, we live too far away from our relatives, and Mom says, that's just the way it is.

Me and Jennifer went to home room and I asked her, didn’t she hear from anyone else about Sally’s party or anything? She said no, and that’s all. It was early, and only some of the kids were there, but there were Diane and Donna sitting together, with their heads close, and they didn’t look like they had a good weekend, either.

“Did you have a good time at Sally’s party?” Donna asked us, funny-like.

“Hey, no. We didn’t go!” Jennifer said, and she looked at me like as if to say, oh-oh.

“You didn’t get invited either?” Diane said. She looked like she was going to cry at first, but then she looked better when Jennifer said no.

“Maybe she didn’t have the party, after all”, Donna said. “ I wondered why she didn’t say anything to us! Probably, she decided to have it next week instead. I’ll still get to wear my new dress, then.”


“Uh, I wouldn’t count on it. I’m sure the party was held when it was supposed to be”, Jennifer said to them slowly. I think she felt bad that she was telling them that. “It just doesn’t look like she meant to invite any of us. It’s not terribly surprising, I guess. After all, she said she was going to invite boys and none of us goes out with boys or anything, right?”

“But we’re her friends!” Diane almost yelled. “Who would she invite if not her friends?”

“I dunno”, Jennifer shrugged her shoulders. “Other friends, I guess.”

“What’re we supposed to do with the stuff we got? I mean, like the presents and stuff? What about that? She told us about the party,and she talked to us about it all the time. What were we supposed to think?”

“Don’t feel so bad”, I told them. “I was disappointed too,. I couldn’t believe we weren’t going to be invited, but we weren’t. Actually, I thought she was going to invite you two for sure. Just us two weren’t going to be invited, I thought. Looks like none of us were going to be invited. I wonder what about Laura? Anyway, we don’t even know for certain-sure that she had the party. Why not just wait and see?

Later, during tutorial, we were all together in the library for study, but Sally didn’t sit with us, for a change. She sat with another bunch of kids. It seemed awfully strange.

“Laura”, Donna asked, “How about that party of Sally’s? How come she didn’t have it, and didn’t tell us about it?”

“She had the party”, Laura told Donna. And she looked at all of us, and she didn’t look too happy.

“You mean she had the party and didn’t invite any of us? Oh, you mean you were invited, and you went?”

“Yes. I was there.”

“Laura, how could you? We’re all friends! How could you go and you knew we weren’t invited?” Diane said, and she sounded really mad. I had never seen her like that before.

“First of all, don’t get mad at ME. It wasn’t my party and I didn’t do the inviting or anything, okay? Now, what makes you think I knew you weren’t going to be invited? It wasn’t my party, remember?”

“You must’ve had some idea, didn’t you?”

“No, don’t be stupid. I just took it for granted you’d all be invited. Well, I did think it was kind of funny you were saying she hadn’t said anything to you by Friday, but she was always talking to all of us about it, wasn’t she? How was I supposed to know she wouldn’t be inviting you?”

“Well, who did she invite?” I asked Laura, and by now I was feeling really mad at her. Some friend!

“Over there”, Laura said, jerking her head in the direction of the other table across the room, where Sally was sitting. “Those kids and some of the guys at the next table.”

“Jeez, they’re not even your friends!” Donna said, intelligently. “and Sally didn’t even fool around with them much, before. It’s just us she’s always with, isn't it?”

“The times they are a-changing”, Laura said, and she laughed kind of nervously. “I don’t think she’ll be spending very much time with all of us in future.”

“Good riddance!” I said and I really meant it. "But what was it like for you at the party, Laura? I mean, those aren’t exactly your friends, and if they were the only ones there besides you... like... were you having fun or anything like that?”

“Who, me?” she said, and she laughed. “Fun? Oh sure. There were games, different ones than we had at your party. And we played records and danced. Well, almost everyone danced. And there was lots of food. And that’s what I did. I helped Sally’s mother serve the food.”

“Oh, that’s too bad, Laura. You mean you didn’t have a very good time?” Jennifer asked.

“No, not really, if it makes you feel any better. Ididn’t. I felt out of place and very uncomfortable. Remember, I didn’t know it was going to be like that, either.”

“Well, that really is TOO bad”, Jennifer said, and she smirked at Laura and so did I. I’m sure we both wanted to feel sorry for Laura, but somehow, we couldn’t make ourselves.

“That’s really lousy!” Diane said, out loud. I saw Mrs. Barker over at the desk lift her head and look over at us, and I thought she was going to come over and tell us to get back to our home room area, but she didn’t. I told them to cool it, or we’d get in trouble.

“What’re Donna and me supposed to do with the gifts we got for her? Give them to her and thank her for a lovely time?” Diane hissed, really boiling mad. I sure don’t blame her.

“Why ask me? I’m no happier about it than you are. Go and ask her about it. I’m not responsible for what she does.”

“And I even got a new dress”, Donna moaned. “What kind of food did you have?" Thinking about her stomach as usual.

“Oh, what’s the difference!” Laura said, and it looked like she’d love to forget about the whole thing, but Donna insisted on hearing all about it. “She had stuff sent in from MacDonald’s and there were pizzas and a cake and ice cream. All that junk. Who cares, anyway?”

“I do”, Donna said belligerently. “I care. I was looking forward to it, and I made all kinds of preparations. You should see how nicely I wrapped that perfume! Now I’ll have to give it to my mother, or something.”

“What kinds of presents did she get from everyone?” Jennifer asked Laura.

“What kind of presents”? Laura repeated, and she laughed. “She got a very nice dresser set of brush and mirror.”

“And?” Diane prompted.

“And? Nothing else."

“Hey, what do you mean?”

“Well, when she first planned the party she did tell us it was a birthday party, but when she decided to invite those other kids she didn’t say anything about a birthday, or anything. She just said, I guess, come to my party, like.”

“Oh, what a rat she is!” Donna raged,and her voice started going kind of high again.

We heard lots of laughing going on at the table where Sally was sitting and when we looked over, it was easy to see she was having a good time with her new friends. I guess she doesn’t need us any more, and we sure don’t need her. Poor Laura, she kind of left us in a way for Sally, and now Sally has left her high and dry. I feel kind of sorry for Laura, but then I think that she was once my best friend and she decided to leave me to be Sally’s best friend, and then I don’t feel sorry for her at all, much.

ME, LAST YEAR; 32nd Installment

On Sunday, Brent came over to play music with Larry. Larry said if I kept going around with a long face he wouldn’t let me play with them. Long face sure; he never lets me play, anyway.

He brought home a krumhorn from the Saturday morning group and when I said I’d like to try it he said “don’t you dare!”

“Who're you talking to like that?” I asked him. “Who’re you, King Kong?”

“Cool it, stupid” he said. “Just leave it alone.”

“How about my bass recorder, eh? How about that? When I bring it home you always get first dibs on it! That’s different, eh?”

“I’m a musician, Fatty Rascoon” he said, Mr. Cool.

“You’re no more a musician than I am, Fathead”, I told him. And then I was sorry of course, because he got real snarly and told me to leave. That was before Brent got there.

I heard Mom talking to him upstairs later, telling him that I was going through some emotional stress, she said, like adolescents do, and all that stuff again. Crap! Doesn’t she ever get tired of that? Sweetums Larry said “so what?” And I heard Mom talking about being kind and devotion between brothers and sisters and stuff like that.

When I heard her I kind of got on Larry’s side, and felt like telling her to get off his back. Then I remembered that Brent was coming over and I just kept listening like a sneak and I didn’t say anything. Mom’s sure got a lot of screwy ideas, but sometimes they work to my advantage.

Anyway, when Brent came over I answered the door. Actually, I was just hanging around the living room with my book because I knew he’d be coming over then and I rushed right over when the bell rang, to open it before anyone else did. I had on a new sweater and my African trade beads, and my hair looked nice and straight for a change. Wouldn’t you think an intelligent, observant person would notice how nice I looked? Oh sure. Well, Brent said “Hi” and gave me his coat like I’m some servant or something. Nice guy.

I kept walking down the hall and peeking in while they were playing, and finally Larry called me and said bring my flute. I’ve been doing lots of practising every day, and with Bianca’s help in fingering I’m doing all right. I wish I had a teacher, though.

Mom says she’s going to call the music department of the university and see if they can recommend someone because every time she gets the name of a music teacher they say they’ve got all the students they can handle, or else they want to charge a mint for lessons.

Anyway, I got my lovely shining flute that I polish every day with a special silver polishing cloth and I love it so much! (Larry told me the other day that Jean-Luc Sauve, the principal flautist with the Civic symphony never polishes his flute, he just lets it get all icky. I wish I could play like him, but I’d never let my flute get like that.)

So I went in to play with them and it was all right for a little while. Brent played his oboe and me the flute, and Larry played his viola and I thought we were pretty good, but Larry kept stopping us and telling me to watch my timing. I WAS watching my timing! He just wants to find fault with me so he can get me mad and then I’ll say something he won’t like and he’ll kick me out and then tell me it’s okay, I can stay, like he does, and I’ll go because I’m mad and hurt and then he can tell Mom I threw a tantrum and left. He’s crafty and that’s how he gets rid of me without having Mom on his back. I know him. I decided I wouldn’t let him get me mad this time.

After we went over a few pieces by Handel (and I wasn’t bad at all), they started to talk about some of the kids in their Saturday group and I felt really left out. They’re just as bad as the in-groups at school. They’re getting ready to compete in the annual music festival and the big group is entered and they’ve broken down into smaller groups too, and some of them have entered solo. I don’t know why Bianca won’t let me join the group, I’m sure I’m as good as some of the other kids in it.

Larry bent down to get one of his recorders off the floor and he well, you know, farted. And it was so funny I laughed like crazy and so did Brent. Larry didn’t think it was funny, and he excused himself.

“I like your vibrato, Larry”, Brent said and began laughing so hard he almost choked. (Vibrato is a musical term that describes a musical effect.) And even though I tried not to laugh too much, because I knew if he got mad Larry would throw me out, I couldn’t help it. It was just sooo funny!

“Which reminds me”, Larry said, ignoring Brent’s brilliant comment, “what do you think of Artie?”

“Arty-Farty? He’s a big wheeze, too. Why do you ask?”

“Just thinking about him. Doesn’t he think he’s some great virtuoso?”

“Hey, you’re not kidding! He does have talent, I must admit, but for the most part he’s full of hot air. So much of it,that it must beg to be expressed in other ways. The guy’s musically ambidextrous. Remember that Frenchman who we were talking about who was able to play a flute with his behind? Artie is even better, he can play from either end.”

“Hey, you guys aren’t very nice”, I said, (Little Miss Goodie). I know the guy they were talking about. I’ve heard him play and he’s really good. “Maybe the guy’s stuck on himself, but he is good. I wish I were half as good.”

“Shut up, Fatty Rascoon”, my dear brother said, and I could have smacked him. Right in front of Brent he has to call me names like that. And I’m not even fat any more, much. Mom even said so.

“Sure, I said he was talented”, Brent said, looking at me, and then he turned to Larry. “He takes himself so damn seriously. No one is ever good enough to compete against His Talentship.”

“Youre’ not kidding! Remember last year’s music festival?”

“Yeah, do I ever, was he ever mad when he didn’t win the solo trophy! Listen, here’s a scenario for this year’s festival. Quiet now, please. And Farty breaks wind. And the adjudicator says, “That’s rather a low octave”. Well, for sure, Bach never wrote it like that. Then, when the wind reaches the adjudicator’s proboscis he must tell himself while he’s holding his nose, “We must attempt to be objective”. And the sound, my God, the tone’s not bad, but it really does sound like it comes from a ‘lower organ’. Heh, heh, pun!”

“And can’t you just see his countless admirers simpering, “You have a simply divine vibrato Artie, do you think you can give us an encore?”

“You guys are awful!” I told them. But I didn’t want to leave, and I thought it was really kind of funny. Kind of.

“We’re only telling the truth”, Brent said. “Larry is just as good as Artie. Pamela and Bridgette are even better, and I’m no slouch myself. You don’t see us putting on the airs he does, his Lardship.”

“Yeah”, Larry said, smirking. “I wish the arse would leave Bach and Handel alone and try Murray Atrashkan instead. His ornamentation is sinful. I was sure I heard a baroque groan down there from the netherworld, or on high, depending on where my favourite composers ended up.”

After those nice guys finished tearing apart their friend, they started practising a piece they were doing as a duet for the festival, and of course I couldn’t play with them. So wouldn’t you know it, even though I suffered through my dear brother’s insults and all, he still managed to get rid of me.

ME, LAST YEAR; 31st Installment

The next day we went out together for a short bit of skiing in the afternoon, me and Jennifer. Halfway at the top of a huge old elm tree we saw a couple of hairy woodpeckers (Jennifer said they were). We were quiet for a while and then heard this funny sound and we looked around and then Jennifer spotted them up there.

I knew she didn’t want to talk about Sally’s party any more, and I wished it didn’t bother me so much, so I wouldn’t even want to talk about it either, but I felt so bad about it. Like I wasn’t wanted, like lonely or something, you know? I wish I was sensible about it like Jennifer, but I’m not like her.

We decided to go back once we got to the creek again. The sun was shining and it was getting kind of warm and the snow wasn’t so hot (ha-ha) anyway. We went sideways up the big hill. It’s a lot more fun going down than it is going up. In the park, we went in opposite directions and Jennifer went home, then I went home.

For the rest of the day I just kind of sat around and every time the telephone rang I really jumped, and thought it was for me. So I didn’t get a call from Sally, and I tried to call Jennifer, but her mother told me she was over at her cousin’s house and was going to sleep over there that night. So it was all right for her, because her cousin is her very best friend.

I just knew all my friends were going to be having a good time at Sally’s party, and here I was, just sitting around at home, and Mom kept saying to me why don’t you go out to one of your girlfriends’ houses, or something? And I kept saying I don’t want to, please leave me alone. And Mom called me a grump and stupid Brian told me jokes to cheer me up, but it didn’t cheer me up, and I told him to leave me alone, too.

Like, he said the definition of impossible is trying to wipe an elephant’s behind with a piece of confetti. Or why is an elephant’s hide so wrinkled? And the answer is, did you ever try to iron one? Like, ha-ha.

What a rotten day. I just sat there, thinking about all my pluses and minuses. When I really think about it, I just haven’t got much going for me. I seem to have so many minuses, I’m just about nothing. Who wants to rank zero?

I had an early bath and went to bed ‘way before I usually do on a Saturday night, and I lay in bed and read my Tolkien. I finished the Hobbit part and I’m halfway through the Fellowship of the Ring. At least that’s something I can do, without counting on anyone else for fun. Still, I think it’s kind of unfair that all the heroes are boys, and the girls don’t do anything but kind of stay in houses. Just like in real life. Mom says it’s going to be different, from now on. Oh yeah, well here I am in a house and not out doing anything exciting. I hope Sally’s party is a big flop or something.

I even started thinking like maybe I’m wrong, and the party’s not supposed to be tonight, but next week. Sure, I thought, that would explain why she didn’t say anything to me and Jennifer T. But then I thought Jennifer would have had to be wrong too. I got out of bed and went to look at the calendar downstairs but it was the right date, March 21st.

Damn her anyway! Ooops, pardon me, Mr. Bryant. Like I even care. Damn, dam, damn. Big deal! Would it be any better, kind of more socially acceptable if I said Dam!?

Mom said I should come downstairs and watch some show on television that everyone was watching. Crap! When it comes to the programs I want to watch they tell me it’s junk. It’s okay when they want to watch something. Then I’m supposed to come watch. Oh, I just hate everyone and everything stinks, and life is lousy!

ME, LAST YEAR; 30th Installment

Then Mom took me to the doctor, and that’s another thing. I don’t know why she has to take me, I’m a big girl now, but she does, anyway. So, Dr. Santori examined my hand and said sure enough, it’s an ugh, wart. He said it’s caused by a virus and medical science still doesn’t know of a foolproof method of removing them. But he said not to do anything with it, it might go away by itself. And they’d only want to do something if it started to grow really big. Mom asked him if he’d cut it away or burn it off or something, but he said, no, wait. Because sometimes when that’s done, it may only grow back again.

All I want to know is, if Mom loves me so much like she always says, how come she’s so eager to have him cut me or burn me? But then I can see her side, she doesn’t like this lump on my hand. And neither do I.

Right in front of me - it was kind of embarrassing, Mom said to Dr. Santori: “Jennifer hasn’t got her period yet, Dr. Santori. Is it too early yet, do you think, or what?” Crap! Does she really have to do stuff like that?

Anyway, Dr. Santori is so nice, I can’t really feel bad in front of him. He said to Mom that there’s no hurry, I’ll mature when I’m ready to. He really is nice, that’s just what I would have said. I’m surprised at Mom, after all, she’s told me before that there’s no hurry, so what’s the hurry? She really bugs me big time, sometimes.

Jennifer came over Friday night, and we played Monopoly and let Brian play, too. I don’t know why we were so kind to him. He was a little ingrate, and got all the good properties and cleaned us right out. Jennifer didn’t seem to mind, but I sure did. I can’t stand it when the little brat gets all excited about how good he is, and laughs when we have to lose a property.

Later, me and Jennifer went upstairs to my bedroom and I showed her how I play flute, a bit. It was kind of fun and she thinks she’d like to learn how to play, herself.

“Do you think we’re not going to get a call from Sally about her party?” I asked her.

“Since the party’s tomorrow evening, I think we’d better forget about it”, she said. And she didn’t even seem to care, now.

“Don’t you care? Like, don’t you feel bad or anything like that?”

“No. What for? What difference would it make? You don’t really like her, and neither do I. Why would I care about a party some kid I don’t like all that much is having? Especially some kid who doesn’t like me, all that much.”

“I guess you’re right, Jennifer. That sounds really sensible. But, like, she was at my party, right? And when you had that barbecue in your backyard that we all went to, she was there too, wasn’t she, huh?”

“Oh sure. Well, that’s because we didn’t want to hurt her feelings, and not invite her because we were inviting all our friends and she hangs around with our other friends.”

“Sure. I get your point. I think it’s kind of stupid to want to go to someone’s party who you don’t like all that much. But still, I can’t help feeling like I want to go. Crap! Most of our friends will be there. How will it look if we’re not there?”

“Well, remember, she said she was going to invite boys?”

“Oh yeah. I forgot that. What boys, anyway, d'you think?”

“I guess some of the guys at school, maybe. Maybe some of her brother’s friends.”

“I don’t think her brother’s friends would want to go to her party. They’re kind of older. Anyway, do you really think some of the guys at school would want to go to her party?”

“Sure, why not? Free food. Her other new friends will probably be invited too, some of them. Haven’t you noticed how she’s been spending almost as much time with them as she does with us? And they don’t seem to mind all that much? Just let one of us try to shove into their group, then see what’d happen!”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. but some of them aren’t bad, if you get them alone. Like, they’ll talk to you and all that, and be kind of nice.”

“Sure, I know. It’s just that we’re not like them, kind of. They’re mostly a bit older than us and their parents let them do things we’re not supposed to do, like makeup, smoking, hanging around after school, like that.”

“Jennifer, do you ever wish you could do stuff like that?”

“Oh, sometimes. Don’t you? Like, some stuff. But not everything.”

“Sure, me too, sometimes. I wouldn’t want to wear gobs of makeup like they do, and sometimes I can’t understand why they act like they do, and I don’t think I’d like to smoke and stuff, but sometimes I kind of think it would be nice to have them for friends, too. Some of them aren’t all that bad.”

“Well, we’re just too different from them, and that’s that. Anyway, I don’t think they have to be so stuck-up all the time and keep everyone else out.”

“Yeah, sure. But about Sally. I think I’m really going to be disappointed if she doesn’t call. Do you think she’s forgotten? Like she’s so busy getting everything organized, and just forgot? Or maybe she just expects us to come. Like, she’s been talking about the party and everything for so long maybe she thinks she’s already asked us, or something.”

“Well, I don’t think so. And I don’t know why it bugs you so much, either.”

“It’s like I said, Jennifer, most of our friends will be there, and we won’t be, maybe. And if Laura and Donna and Diane go and then some of the other kids, it’s kind of like we’re being left out, like we’re not good enough or something, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know about that, Jen. It just means that Sally doesn’t like us all that much. Not that we’re not good enough.”

“Anyway, if Laura goes and she knows we haven’t been invited I’ll really be disappointed in her. I still consider her a good friend, don’t you?”

“Oh sure, she’s a friend. How’s she supposed to know before the party if we’ve been invited?”

“We told her! We told her Friday we weren’t invited yet. She seemed surprised, but she didn’t say anything. And Donna and Diane hadn’t been invited either, but they thought Sally would talk to them before school was out. Maybe she did. Maybe she looked for us too, but we were gone. Do you think so?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Jen. Why don’t you just forget it for now?”

“I wish I could. I don’t know why I should care so much. And just think of Diane and Donna, how excited they were. You know they bought gifts for Sally, don’t you?”

“Sure, I know. Donna bought a bottle of perfume and Diane a silk scarf. Maybe they should have waited until they got an invitation.”

“Maybe they got one, but didn’t want to tell us. Did you think of that?”

“No, I sure didn’t. But what difference does it make, anyway? Hey, did you get something for Sally?”

“Well, no. I thought I’d wait. I would’ve got something. But now I’m glad I didn’t get anything because what would I do with it if she doesn’t call, anyway?”