Being An Other

 

I may be old now but I too was once young and

I remember.  I remember 80 years ago that I

wasn't certain I wanted to be a girl and flirted

with the notion I was a secret boy and could

do anything I wanted that a boy could, why not?

It was a secret between me and myself and

one that came complete with choreographic

episodes distinctly ungirl-like that gave me

satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment.

I could do it, I could be whatever I thought I

would want to be! Girls couldn't be rough and

tumble about, but I could and though no one

remarked directly there were some sideway

glances and soon I was named a Tom-boy

perhaps the next best thing to being a boy. I

could retain my inconvenient identification

as a girl yet develop my personality as a boy.

I swaggered when I walked, and surreptitiously

looked around to see whether anyone noticed

my duality, looking like a girl but being a boy.

Then it happened, suddenly I was 14 and I

wanted to be a girl when I met a boy who

looked and behaved exactly like the one I

dreamed of but never succeeded in being.