Definitely Not A Mentsh

The strains on life and self-respect that some women seem prepared to endure, even now, in the age of so-called women's liberation, is a never-ending source of wonder to me. It shouldn't be, in the sense that our biology guides us toward child-bearing and through a social covenant whereby males in our age pledge to remain with and support a woman and their shared progeny, the transition from primitive society to the socially-civil one we live in today has done little to mitigate what nature has bestowed upon us.

And so, we have the phenomenon of some women desperately searching for a male companion prepared to love and cherish them as they are prepared to love and cherish right back, with many of those young women becoming progressively older and more disillusioned through failed relationships, some burdened with children they must raise on their own, others yearning for a life of heterosexual companionship to take them from their child-bearing -rearing days into a contented old age.

We have a neighbour who, though blessed with exuberance, a good nature, fairly attractive physically, was so utterly consumed with fear she would remain unattached as she reached into her mid-30s that she ended up marrying a man who is pathologically emotionally void, a man whose stark anti-social outlook on life would have otherwise geared him to a hermitage existence. Utterly mismatched -- where he will go to any length to avoid social contact with others, and she so gregarious that she bubbles with life and laughter, finding common cause with anyone who might befriend her -- they've managed to keep their marriage intact.

None of the emotional-psychic-physical adjustments in accommodation have emanated from him; the efforts are entirely hers, and at great cost to her personality which dims in his presence and glows in his absence. But he has always been a good provider and now in his retirement from working life his pension maintains their comfortable way of life, with their two children attending university. When those children were infants he would bellow at her if his nose detected one of them required a diaper change; any effort in helping in the child-rearing on his part was simply unthinkable.

Though they live in a large house with ample room, when her parents come to visit despite a 7-hour driving distance, they must stay at a nearby motel. She may drive one of the two family vehicles only within a prescribed distance, no further. She may not venture out into the nearby neighbourhood ravine to take a leisurely walk through a close natural environment. She may at long last have an Internet connection, but may not use a credit card for any online purchases. She is obedient to his orders. She is permitted on occasion to visit with a friend. Friends who might on occasion drop by, no longer do; his churlish presence chills them.

The neighbour we formerly knew who bustled with activity in her garden and always bristled with news and gossip, whose smile was wide and deep enough to sink a ship in, is rarely now seen. Her garden has returned to a state more consonant with nature's artless palette, and her smile is forced when she is seen. Before his retirement she had expressed an anticipated exasperation over how her life would change, but it is entirely possible that with his retirement his life changed more than she had anticipated.

On the other hand, she has always been an enabler, never insisting that he seek remedial help for his pathology where he looked straight through people, making every effort possible to avoid contact with neighbours, confining himself to the inner sanctum of his home, avoiding any manner of household tasks, spurning any friendly initiatives from others, and exhibiting an utter disinterest in life outside the confines of his stony skull.

But then, she could always be assured that if she obeyed his dictates she had financial stability, never having to go outside the house to earn a living, able to live a very nice middle-class life, the trade-off being surrendering the dignity of her independent thought and action. Obviously a trade-off that she felt was well worth the effort of appeasement.

Their daughter has adopted from her mother a huge interest in the stage. Their son demonstrates all the hallmarks of his father's profoundly disturbing social constraints. Pity, that.