So, God?

My best friend's family is religious. They go to church regularly, every Sunday. I've gone along with them, twice. My mother doesn't believe in religion. She doesn't think there's a God. I'm asking you directly. Where are you? What do you do, exactly? It's like what my mother does for a living, she's a professional, she does project management and she has other skills, like she can do architectural drawings, and she does stuff like interior design. I mean I know she does that stuff, but I don't know what it is. Know what I mean?

My girlfriend's thirteenth birthday was a month before mine. I've been thirteen for a full month, almost. I'm not sure she believes in God - that's you - either. We don't talk about it, really. We get along really well together. I like being with her, and I know she likes being with me, too. She used to bug to come over all the time, and that was fine with me. I wasn't all that excited about going over to her house. Besides, I'm the one that has a trampoline; she has cattle, and you can't play with cows.

You may have guessed we live in the country. It can get pretty boring in summer. But know what? I'd rather have the summer holidays than be in school. I'm pretty good at school work, and get good marks, but being bored at home is better than being bored at school. There's a lot of kids that've gone through school with me I'd just as soon not see again - at least for a while. Until school starts up again, and I go into grade eight.

I've always wondered is there a powerful mighty guy. Is there really someone high above us in the sky watching our every move? That makes me kind of nervous. I don't want anyone watching everything I do. There are some things, actually lots of things I'd like to keep private. Anyway, if you do exist, God, are you why I'm here? Are you the one who takes people we love away with you, or is that fate?

I know that people who believe in your existence go to church because they want to prove to you that they have faith in your existence. That's kind of silly, isn't it? They pray there, as a way to tell you that they trust you and believe that if they do what you say, things will turn out all right. So, if someone does something bad, are you the one who decides what to do with them, or is it the police and the criminal justice system?

Don't we control ourselves, our behaviour, our actions? All right, if you exist, and I'm not right to question that, how about Mother Nature? How do you explain that nature is the one that makes things grow, including the food we eat, and is responsible also for our existence as human beings? Should nature not contest you? Is nature answerable to you? Did you create nature too?

There's no real way of knowing, is there? If there is a way of proving that you're real, that you exist somewhere, somehow, I'd sure like to know what it is. Nature isn't fake, we can see what it - or she does, we watch the seasons change, we see things grow, we eat the food that growing things provide for us. Who are we supposed to be grateful to, you, or nature? I know that people appreciate nature and worship you.

But no one can give me the answers I'm looking for. No one wants to, they say you've just got to take some things on trust. So why should anyone trust you, God? People kill one another and fight over you. If you're real why don't you put a stop to that? Why don't you stop the fighting, the wars, the children dying in poverty, the people starving? Aren't you supposed to be responsible, too?

It's not peoples' fault they can't live the way they want to. Healthy and wealthy. Why, if you're so fair and just and kindly, do you allow some people to have money and others not? Why are really nice people dying when they're young from some horrible disease, and the nasty people who don't care about anyone but themselves able to live long and healthy lives? Not my idea of fairness or justice.

Is it yours, God? Is there some kind of master plan I'm not smart enough to think of, maybe? You look down on all these pathetic, arguing, miserable people and just let things happen. Because you know we'll figure it all out some day? You know, like tough love? Is that it, God? You love the humans you created so much and respect their intelligence so much that you're prepared to allow them to make dreadful mistakes?

On their way to eventually becoming as smart as you? Will you be there, waiting to greet those people who believe in you, and who say they do all the good things you say they're supposed to, in the afterlife? Come to think of it, what's this stuff about an afterlife? Do we really have more than one life to live? Some kids laugh that off, and say life isn't a practise session. I think they're right, and they're smarter than me too.

So, God, what have you got to say for yourself? I don't mean to be rude. Just asking.