Mom wanted to know did I want to have a birthday party to invite my friends and I said no, I just wanted a family party. She thought it might be nice for me to have some of my friends over though, so what I did was invite some of them over for Saturday afternoon lunch and games and I didn’t say anything about my birthday.
I asked Jennifer T and Donna and Laura and Diane and Debra, and Jane and Brenda Parker. And of course, Sally. I talked to Mom about inviting Sally because I really didn’t know if I wanted to have her. Like, I don’t really think all that much of her, you know? But Mom said it wouldn’t be very nice not to invite her, because she’d find out that I invited my other friends, and she’d be hurt. So I did invite her.
Well, they all came over, and it was nice to have them, all my friends-but-one. We played Scrabble and Masterpiece. Scrabble was fun but Sally doesn’t like it, she has to think too hard, she says. So we didn’t play it for very long. I was glad I had invited Deb even though we haven’t been seeing each other very much lately, because she and Brenda are the same age and seem to like each other. Maybe they’ll be friends.
Sally looked around at everything in the house like she was getting ready to buy our stuff or something.
“Our house is bigger”, she said. Just like that, out of the blue.
“Oh, that’s nice”, I responded. I could have said more, because Laura had told me that they rent their house and it’s not really theirs then, is it? But I didn’t.
“What’re you going to entertain us with?” She asked me and I kind of got ready for trouble, even though I didn’t know what she was leading up to. The other kids were busy playing Scrabble, and she had asked me to take her up to the bathroom. Everyone else found the bathroom by themselves; they used the powder room downstairs, but Sally insisted she wanted to see the upstairs bathroom.
“What do you mean?” I asked. Oh, I’m such an innocent, I guess. “We’re playing games. Everyone’s having fun!”
“Now whatever gives you the idea that everyone’s having fun?” she said, looking at me frostily. “Where are the rest of your guests?”
“Why, everyone’s here” I said. I really didn’t know what she meant.
“You’re kidding!”
“No, no I’m not. Who were you expecting? The Queen and Prince Philip? When I asked you over I said it was just a little get-together for some of my friends!”
“Listen, Child, we’re kind of adult now, some of us. When I get invited over to someone’s house for a party, I expect to meet some boys too. You mean to tell me you didn’t invite any boys over?”
“No, it hadn’t even occurred to me. I don’t know enough boys to invite over anyway. Anyway, I don’t want to have any boys over at my house. My brothers are quite enough, thank you. And anyway, my mother wouldn’t like me to invite boys over either, I’m sure. I don’t go out with boys, and even if my mother didn’t mind, I’m not really interested in seeing boys.
“Well, you are a child, aren’t you?”
“No, I am not! What’s so great about boys anyway? And I haven’t noticed you having any great success attracting the guys at school, either!”
“That’s not entirely true, my child. You don’t know everything", and she hinted darkly at all the things I don’t know. Well, I certainly don’t want to know. And anyway, she’s bluffing.
“Where’s your brother?” she suddenly asked. “I mean your big brother.”
“Are you kidding? He’s gone out to see some of his friends", I said really snarky. “As soon as he heard I was having some girlfriends over he said he was leaving. My little brother too. HE went over to a boyfriend’s. So much for boys wanting to be around girls!”
Later, me and Mom served hamburgers and buns and pizzas and potato salad and chips, and then we had ice-cream. Jennifer T was really a big help, and Brenda and Deb too. None of the other girls did too much, but then I really didn’t expect them to, they were my guests.
We listened to music downstairs in the recreation room. Larry told me I could borrow his record player, if I was very careful, and Mom said I would be. I guess he only said I could borrow it because Mom asked him. We didn’t have any of the right kind of records like rock or anything, so Jane and Brenda brought some of theirs over.
Sally didn’t look happy like everyone else. She just looked bored, like she always does, and she let everyone know how she felt, like she always does.
“Laura”, she said, turning to Laura. “What do you think about not having any boys over?”
“Huh?” Laura said very intelligently. But I was glad to hear her say that because it meant she wasn’t thinking like that.
“Boys, BOYS, you know”, Sally said impatiently, and she turned to Donna and Diane too. “I was telling Jennifer how she kind of made a mistake not to invite any boys over. Like, wouldn’t we all be having a good time with boys around?” And she batted her mascara’d eyelashes at them like crazy.
“Are you kidding?” Donna said, and I could’ve hugged her, the fatso. “Who wants boys around? All they ever do is pick on you and stuff. We’re having a good time without them - it’s bad enough we gotta have them at school. If there was boys here we’d have a lot less to eat, hey? Hey, Jennifer, is there any cookies or cake, or something?”
Sally looked at her real mad. “Well Donna, we all know how important your stomach is to you. After all, how else could it grow so round and fully packed?" Bitchy Sally. The meanie - because Donna’s face really fell. “But the rest of us feel differently … I’m sure" And Sally looked at Laura for support, but for once Laura didn’t say anything to side with Sally, she just shrugged her shoulders.
“Face it”, Jennifer T, my pal, said. “It looks like you’re the only one who’s anxious to see boys. We’re all happy. And we think it was really nice of Jennifer to invite us over like this, don’t we?” And she turned to the other girls who all said yes. It made me feel so good.
“I guess I’m just too sophisticated for you girls”, Sally said, heaving a great big sigh. It just didn’t seem to bother her that no one else felt like her. Like it was a big deal she even bothered to be with us. I’m supposed to feel flattered I guess, because she came to my party and she’s eating my food, because she’s so grown up.
After we finished with the ice cream and chocolate cake that Mom baked for me and let me ice, we started a game of Monopoly. We had two boards and it was real fun and we laughed like crazy all the time. After we played a while I was doing pretty bad; nothing but the little properties, and I was running out of money for fines and kept landing on the expensive properties and getting in jail. But that was okay, I’m used to it; whenever I used to play with Brian and Larry the same kind of thing happened. I guess I just don’t have a good head for business, or something.
Over at the other board I could see that Sally was doing just as bad as me and she was really sizzling. Would you believe, she started to blame Brenda Parker, and she said Brenda was cheating? Brenda is a little younger than us and she’s a little shy and she felt really bad and she kept saying she wasn’t cheating.
“My sister wouldn’t cheat”, Jane said. “she doesn’t have to. She’s smart enough to win without cheating.”
“Honest, I didn’t!” Brenda said, trying to make Sally believe her. They didn’t know what Sally is like, but they’ve learned since.
“Well of course I expect you to stick up for your dear little baby sister”, Sally cooed at Jane. “I’m afraid though, that it won’t help. I know a cheater when I see one.”
“It takes one to know one” Jennifer T said and was I ever surprised. I almost fell off my chair, only I wasn’t sitting on a chair, I was on the floor. “Only thing is, I believe Brenda and I do believe I’ve been watching you cheat all through this game. Pity you’re no more successful cheating than you are playing the game honestly.”
“You witch!”, Sally exploded at Jennifer. “Call me a cheat, huh?” She stood up and stuck her hands on her hips and looked really mad. “You’ve got your bloody-damn nerve! Just where do you get off calling me a cheat?”
“Well, I apologize if I’ve hurt your feelings Sally dear”, Jennifer said, smooth as glass. “I’m merely stating my observations.”
“I don’t have to sit here and be insulted by someone like you!” Sally said, glaring at Jennifer.
“Indeed you don’t”, Jennifer said right back. And I sat there with my mouth open because usually I’m the only one who talks like that to Sally and I don’t talk near as good as Jennifer when she starts talking. And of course I expected Sally to pick up and leave, she was so mad, and I wasn’t about to do anything to stop her, like she brought it on herself, and I felt so bad for poor Brenda. But you know, Sally just huffed and puffed and didn’t leave at all.
Later, I brought down chocolate bars and potato chips and peanuts, and Jennifer and Jane helped me bring down chocolate milk for everyone, and we sat around telling jokes and laughing a lot, and Brenda forget all about feeling bad. And Sally sat there listening, but not saying too much.
We had a contest to see who could best imitate one of the teachers at school. Donna did a take-off of Miss Hennesley doing Swedish calisthenics and it was a scream! No one else did nearly as good, although my take-off of Mr. Levesque doing a garbled French wasn’t bad at all, if I do say so myself.
After everyone left, Jennifer stayed around to help clean up and we found peanuts and chips scattered all over the rug where Sally had been sitting, just like she did it on purpose. And would you believe it? She had stuffed her chocolate wrappers all crumpled up in one of the planters beside the coffee table! Boy, what a nerve!
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