Showing posts with label Lost and Found. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lost and Found. Show all posts

Thursday, September 10, 2020

Smiling At Me


















It has always been this way, since
we were children, and beyond. When
he faces me the contagion of pleasure
pervades our intimate atmosphere.
As our eyes move toward one another,
there it is, the warmth of his smile,
generously flooding his face and
unfailingly touching my heart.

Lest we forget. That none is nearer
nor dearer, the reflex as familiar as
seeing one's own face mirrored. I exist,
therefore you are. I am here, and close
beside me, you are too, precisely
where you belong. Close by me, to share
any given moment; close to touch,
to grasp and to clasp as near to our
beating hearts as space and place.

That smile beams toward me, warming
my soul, bringing the urgency of love
to bear at every possible hour of our
days. The fulfillment of our shared lives,
expressed in that smile exuding care and
treasured love. Sometimes, the smile is
not enough, and a deeply prolonged hug
must elaborate the soul's compact.

 

Thursday, March 12, 2020


Yesterday's Child

Fiddleheads in the garden
slowly unfurling
Lilies-of-the-Valley
not yet belling
the Manchu Cherry
sprinkling white confetti
on the vibrant green
of urgent grass
and swallows executing
their preying arabesque
while beyond the
sun, a pyromaniac's frantic dream
slips behind the houses.

Sitting idly on the swing
spring air filters
through the maple's
tender thrusts
as bees target straight for home
and the mesmerizing hum
of the neighbour's mower
returns growth to order.

The children
never recall other years
only living in the warmth
of the breeze
pulling stray hairs
beyond the spiralling
loops of the bicycle.
Memory of another child
yaps close behind the

flushed faces of
this spring day's children.


c.1979

Monday, July 18, 2016


A Friend, Unmet

I simply like the man though
I've never met him. Actually, I have
no idea who he is -- wait, that should
be past-tense -- nor where he lived
what he did, who his family might be.
But that this man was someone I
could have befriended seems assured
judging his character through his
portrait, the means by which I have
indirectly met him. Granted, one is
cautioned against judging a book by
its cover, but a portrait reveals much
and this man clearly was kind,
considerate and dependable, likely
highly intelligent as well. I never met
him, as how could I, for even at my
advanced age, he no longer lived
by the time I was born; a simple fact
revealed by his turn-of-the-19th-Century
portrait. Commissioned, no doubt, by
the corporate interests he represented.
And one wonders, if  his portrait was
considered appropriate to hang in a
boardroom as a sign of respect, why
was it later abandoned neglected,
the canvas torn and no longer framed
so that no one but me saw its value
reflecting its price, as a tribute of
note to a humble yet worldly and
worthy man, now long forgotten. 




Monday, March 14, 2016

Notes between the pages

I see you everywhere. I'm reminded of moments we have shared and wish it could have continued. I love the times we shared together, even just sitting in your car in the rain, talking.
I miss  you. XOXOXO

I wish I could take this and keep it forever.
Thank you, my heart. I miss you every day. Every, single day. XOXOXO

Beautiful, my heart breaks when I think about how much I want to be for you. And then realize all I can be. I will take what I can get. Even if all I can get is memories of how wonderful you are.
I tucked my love for you away years ago ... for it to blossom so strong decades later. Now I have this heart that aches to be in your arms, to hold you, to be your everything ... and I feel I need to tuck it away again.
It's so hard not being able to talk or spend time with you. You are my obsession. Thoughts of you consume me. I desire you with everything I am. How lost I feel without  you...
I love you more than words can express. I feel incomplete without you.
But ... at the same time knowing that you are safe, and happy, and being loved ... it brings me a peace. 
Because I can't provide you what you have. A family, respectability, and security.
I'm glad to know you are in a place that you want to be in. I truly and hopefully wish you all the love and joy a person can contain.
I have loved you for longer than anyone I know outside of my family (why did I add that?)
My love for you will always be tucked away and ready to blossom if you ask for it. You are and always will be my soul mate. XOXOXO

I wish there was a safe place we could talk about things.
I'm struggling with what I'm doing to you. I love you too much to put you in a position in your life where I'm the cause of your strife.
Don't risk what you have, because of me. I wouldn't be able to deal with causing  you pain.
You asked me to be your friend. That is what I'm trying to do. 
Love always, XOXOXO
I miss you so much

I don't know if you will ever come back here again.
In case you do there is something I want you to know.
You've changed me. 
I hope it's for the better.
Life for me will never be the same.
Especially with you not being a part of it ... the way you used to be. 
I hope you are happy and loved all the days of your life ... and treated the way you deserve to be treated. You're a precious flower, a gem ...
My heart is and always will be yours. XOXOXO
I hope for happiness and joy and peace and love for us both all the days of our lives.
Yours forever

I love you ...
I feel like I always have ...
I feel like I always will...
I know this is difficult.
Do what you feel you need to do.
I'm here ... if you need me.
I will be whatever you want me to be.
Your friend ...
Your support ...
Your distraction ...
Your bad habit ...
Your lover ...
Your desire ...
Your break from reality ...
Whatever you need
I'm willing to do whatever you ask. But I will not be what destroys  you or brings you down. I want to be what builds you up and brings you joy ...
You mean so much more to me than words can express.
I'm here for you ...
I love you. XOXOXO

I've been struggling with our relationship ...
I have such strong feelings for you. I love you. What we shared -- I will never let go of. At the same time I worry about you. It pains me to see you so stressed and full of regret. Not that you regretted it when it happened but more that you are aware of it now.
You have clearly chosen your family and everything in your life over me. And it makes sense to me that you would. Because choosing me would be devastating. I get that ... and understand why.
So now we find ourselves slowly slipping away from each other.
I want you to never forget how we were together. I am and always will be  your friend. I believe you are my soul mate regardless of our situations and how cruel time has been to us. You are always in my thoughts. I am still hoping that one day again we will be able to hold each other and allow our passion to run free ...
I'm always here for you -- protecting what we had. I will step back and let you make the next move. 
I miss the friend I found.
I miss the passion.
I miss the connection.
I miss you ...

We were something incredible when we were alone.
I will always wonder what could have been.
I dream about what was and what could have been frequently. XOXOXO

I am still here. Not in the same way, but always still here. I'm so sorry for how things have to be. I'm so sorry for so much. I want to say sorry for letting it happen at all, because now there is so much pain. I wonder if we had just walked away at the start how much easier things would be now. Less hurt, less regret, less heartache.
But then I remember ... and I smile thinking of our time together. We made the right decision.
We are friends with really special memories that only we share.
We can't cause each other, or others any more pain, but what we can do is hold on to what we had as a really wonderful, amazing part of our lives and cherish it and each other forever.
Always thinking of you and always remembering. XOXOXO