ME, LAST YEAR; 52nd Installment

Anyway, it was time for supper, and we all ran and left everything lying around like we’re not supposed to, when we heard that gong to come along and dig in. It smelled so good when we got into the mess hall, we sat there at the table and banged our cups on the table, hoping the racket would get the food out quicker.

We had beef stew full of potatoes and carrots and turnips and even some beef. No, I’m kidding, there was lots of beef. And there were hot biscuits too, so when we put margarine on them, it dripped all over and tasted scrumptious.

The stewed prunes for dessert didn’t go down so good, but we dunked gingerbread cookies in with them and if you took a bite of the cookie along with the prunes you could kind of forget the prunes. Almost. Kerry had an accident and dumped his prunes on the floor. He didn’t seem to mind cleaning up, this time.

After dinner, Mr. Henderson organized a volleyball game for the girls and a baseball game for the boys. Mr. Farraday played ball with the girls and he was just too good for us. Like, we hardly ever got a chance with him on the other side. He got tired of playing with us anyway, thank heavens, and went over to empire the boys' game. Some of the kids played badminton, but there was a stiff breeze, and the birdies kept going all over the place.

We had another bonfire, but there were no more marshmallows. Instead, Mr. Henderson surprised us by bringing out hot dogs, and told us to roast them on the end of long sticks. We all thought we were stuffed after supper, but it turned out we weren’t after all, because we all had plenty of room for roasted hot dogs. They were even better than the marshmallows and I didn’t get any in my hair.

Some of the guys started to chase some of the girls around in the bushes and stuff, and you should have heard them screaming. The girls were screaming, not the guys, they were kind of growling, pretending to be bears or something.

The rest of us sat around and sang, and it was bales of fun. I mean, who wants to be chased around bushes by a bunch of boys, anyway? I wonder how come some girls get chased by some guys, and some don’t, though.

It seemed much cooler than the night before, and we washed up really fast, at bed time. Like, it wasn’t so much washing up as kind of pretending to, you know? I didn’t feel dirty anyway, so who cares?

“Eeeeooo!” Sally said. “Look at that Jennifer Feldman, would you? She’s not even washing up and if anyone needs to, it’s her. Have any of you got a whiff of her lately?”

“You’re a great one to talk”, I said right back to her. “Water wouldn’t do you any good. What you need is a scraper for all that guck you’ve got on your face. Like me to scrape it off for you?”

“Oh, shut up, child”, she said, and she turned her back to me. But she kept on talking about me to some of the other girls. “Poor Jennifer is so dumpy looking”, she said. “I feel sorry for her, kind of. No wonder none of the boys are interested in her. And did you smell her when she stood downwind?”

I just ignored her and walked out with Jennifer and Diane, and Donna came running after us, whining that we hadn’t even waited for her. Heartbreaking, really.

ME, LAST YEAR; 51st Installment

We didn’t feel like doing anything much. So we just kind of hung around talking, our little group. Sally was with us, because she was kind of hanging around Laura more, now that we had her in our cabin. She looked mean like always and started picking on us.

“For sure your boat wouldn’t go over or anything like that”, she said, looking at the four of us.

“Oh yeah, why’s that?” Donna asked. Just looking for it; boy, can’t she even tell when to ignore someone?

“Ha! With all that weight for ballast, of course”, Donna told her, typically nasty. Donna looked pretty unhappy, and glanced down at her big stomach.

“Hey, just cool it”, Diane said to Sally. And she looked angry enough to hit her. I always say people should do what they feel like doing, and this time I think Diane should’ve gone right ahead. But she didn’t, more’s the pity.

“Yeah, you really looked like a stupid lot of nitwits sitting there in that lopsided boat. Two string beans and two bean-bags.” She thinks she’s so funny. She just sat there, having a good time, laughing at us.

“I guess you’re right”, Jennifer T said to her. Were we ever surprised. “We just wish we could all look like you with that brassy coloured hair that we know you dye, and all that glump on your face not helped any by the stupid smirk always plastered over it all. Yeah, we’d just love to look like you.”

“At least I’m not a fat slob like some people I could name", Sally said, huffy now. “There’s nothing wrong with my hair. Everyone says it’s great-looking. And I don’t wear any more make-up than the other girls. It’s just you’re all jealous of me, that’s all. You think I don’t know you’d all love to be able to wear make-up, but your mothers won’t let you?”

“You’d like to believe that”, Diane told her. “The truth is, if any of us looked like you, we’d wear masks all the time out of pity for anyone who’d have to look at us. Hey, that’s an idea; how about if we made you a mask, Sally?"

“Very funny. You don’t fool me, at all. You’re all jealous of me, that’s why you’re always so nasty to me.”

“WhoooUs, nasty? You’ve got to be kidding!” I said to her. “It’s not us at all. It’s you, all the time. You’re always after one or the other of us, like nothing we do is good enough for you."

“I can understand that coming from you", Sally said, giving me that awful smirk of hers. “You’re such a poor little introvert, afraid of your own shadow, always thinking someone’s criticizing you.”

“Aw, come on Sally, tell it like it is", Diane told her. “You’re mad because you’ve got to be with us, instead of with all of your stuck-up friends, although I’ve got to admit they’re none of them as stuck-up as you. Who’s telling you to hang around with us, anyway?”

“She’s my friend”, Laura said, coming to Sally’s defence. We were kind of ganging up on her. She deserved it, though. She’s nobody’s friend, she’s just a fiend. “And you’re all my friends too” Laura went on. “Can’t you all try to get along?”

“Yeah, sure. We can try all right. We do try, but how about her? She’s always putting us down. You think we’re going to sit around and like it?”

Diane really surprised us. She never used to talk like that and assert herself. Maybe it was because she was so disappointed about Sally after that part, that she decided to stick up for herself from now on.

It ended up Sally and Laura walking away and leaving us alone, which suited us just fine. It’s one thing feeling sorry for Sally because maybe she can’t help being such a dog, but when you’re with her and you’ve got to listen to her and take her abuse, you kind of forget how forgiving you intended to be.

A bunch of kids were playing murder ball up on top in the field so we decided to go up and have some fun with them. They were mostly guys, but they said it was okay if we joined them. That ball really stings, I’ll tell you, when it hits your legs or somewhere, but it’s fun jumping and dodging and running out of the way. We played until Donna got hit in the stomach and then didn’t want to play any more.

ME, LAST YEAR; 50th Installment

When the tuck shop opened we all ran to get our money, but when I went into my bag to get mine, it was gone. Was I ever mad! Jennifer offered to lend me some money so we both got milk chocolate bars and a box of chocolate-covered raisins apiece to eat in bed tonight. I wonder why only my money is gone and no one else’s?”

I got a chance to tell Mr. Henderson later, and he looked angry. He told me that several other people had told him they were missing money. He asked me how much money I had had, and I told him a dollar-fifty, and he wanted to give me his money, and I was surprised. But I said no thanks. One of the guys had a camera taken, too.

After another two-gong call later, when Mr. Henderson told everyone about the camera gone missing and the money too, he gave everyone a pep talk about how wrong it is to take things that don’t belong to you. And he would welcome the return of the things taken, and ask no questions.

Then we all went down to the water beside the boathouse, because Mr. Farraday was going to give us some basic lessons in rowing boats and paddling canoes.

Mr. Farraday showed us how to sit properly in boats, never to walk about clumsily, not to get up unless we had to and that we always had to wear lifejackets. We were given the choice of trying a rowboat first or a canoe and funny, most of the girls chose rowboats and the boys canoes. But anyway, we’re all supposed to get a chance to try both, before the trip’s over.

He told us we’re supposed to stay close to the edge of the lake, and not go near the centre because if we did, that would be the end of our lessons on the lake.

It was really nice out now, and we didn’t have to wear our heavy jackets, just light ones instead. I’m glad now that Mom made me take all that stuff to wear. Donna had put on two pairs of jeans in the morning, because she was so cold, and now she complained how uncomfortable she was with them both on. But she didn’t want to go all the way back up to the cabin to change, because she was afraid she’d miss out on something. I don’t blame her.

The four of us got in a rowboat and we took turns in pairs, rowing, and it was really fun getting our timing right and sliding through the water. Whoever wasn’t rowing could let their hands go through the water, and was it ever cold! Later your fingers smelled fishy.

There were boats and canoes all over the place and Mr. Farraday and Mr. Henderson were out in canoes. Even the guy who runs the place was down at the water watching for a while. The cook too, and some other guys who do stuff around the place.

We heard some yelling and saw Mr. Farraday giving Kerry hell, and telling him to take his boat in. He wasn’t even in a canoe and he was with some other guys and they said he wouldn’t let them row. He was just hogging the whole boat to himself. Well, they took the boat back to shore, and Kerry got out. He was mad and the other guys went back out again, without him.

A little while later we noticed there was a canoe ‘way over on the other side of the lake, past the middle. And we saw Mr. Farraday in his canoe paddling like crazy over to the other canoe and who was in it, but Kerry!

Mr. Farraday must have been telling Kerry to go back to the other side, but Kerry wasn’t listening. He was doing just great in his canoe. Finally though, both of them came back together in their canoes to our side, and Mr. Farraday said Kerry wasn’t to take any boats out again.

Kerry didn’t seem to mind. He had paddled that canoe really well, and gone all over to the other side and that made him happy, I guess. He wasn’t even wearing his lifejacket and I guess that kind of made Mr. Farraday verrry nervous.

Two guys in a canoe turned over, and then hung onto the canoe sides and Mr. Henderson got some guys in a rowboat to pull them out and he got the canoe in to shore. You wouldn’t see me dumping into that cold water, not for anything!

After, we all pulled the boats up and bailed water out of them and put away the lifejackets and Mr. Farraday said maybe, just maybe, we’d be able to take them out again tomorrow. We were all told we did just fine, and we could go and do anything we felt like doing before supper.

ME, LAST YEAR; 49th Installment

Mr. Henderson said the cleaning detail had to clean up from breakfast, and we would have a half-hour to do whatever we wanted, then we had to meet again, and we were going to learn something about orienteering, and go on a little hike.

When we met later, he told us about finding your way when you’re lost, although I don’t know exactly what he said. We just kept talking to each other. He broke us up into four groups and gave us maps. And said good luck.

Well, we started out looking at the maps and walking along trails, and the woods were really beautiful. He said we’d get warm soon enough, as long as we kept up a good brisk pace. And he was right about that.

The sun started to get higher in the sky and it warmed us up whenever it could get to shine through the trees. And so did the walking. The boys pulled bunches of dead evergreen branches off low-growing areas and ran after some of us. To keep us warm, they said. Gee, that was really thoughtful of them. We had a team leader in each group. Ours was Mark LaPointe, and he’s all right. We wondered who got stuck with Kerry.

We walked for hours, and it was fun at first, but then it got to be a drag,and we were really tired. We sat around for a while and talked, and Larry Martin said he smelled a skunk, but we told him he was just smelling himself because he forgot to wash last night.

There were all kinds of birds in the trees, and we saw a pair of big blue jays. Then we started going again, and Mark said it seemed to him as if we were lost. Great! Just what I always wanted, to be lost in the woods with a bunch of kids as stupid as me!

“Some leader you are“, dear old Sally said.

“Want to show us how you can do better?” Mark asked her, and she shut up.

We gathered around him and tried to match the map with the way we went, and it seemed right. But then Mark said he thought we went off on the wrong fork at one point, and he thought we should go back, so we did. On the way back we heard a funny sound and kept looking around for what it was and finally located a tiny red squirrel in a tree, giving us hell.

“He’s telling us that we’re invading his territory", Mark said.

“Never mind telling us what the squirrels are saying, Mr. Woodsman”, Sally snapped. “Just get us back in time for lunch, hey?”

Well, we were tired at first on the way back, but then we fooled around a lot and felt better. Mark stopped us and showed us the new buds on some trees and explained some things about nature and stuff, to us and it was really interesting. He knows a lot about things like that.

We did get back in plenty of time for lunch and we were the second group back. Not bad at all. Another group came back just a few minutes after us, but the last group was still missing, and we couldn’t have lunch until they got back. What a drag.

When they finally did get back they told us how lost they had been. It seems like we hadn’t really learned too much about following a map, but we did have lots of fun. The last group said they had seen a jack-rabbit and a flock of red-winged blackbirds. I’d have liked to have seen the rabbit, but we’ve got blackbirds all over the place here, they’re nothing special.

We had vegetable soup for lunch and big bowls of baked beans with cheese melted on top, and lots of toast. We had milk and chocolate chip cookies for dessert, and we were stuffed because we could take as much of anything as we wanted.

Kerry kept saying how he saw a big black bear, but no one else saw it, and he’s mad, because no one believed him. He spilled a jug of milk all over the table and the floor and I’m sure he did it because he was mad at everyone. He had to clean it up and he got madder at that, and went off by himself, afterward.

Our group had to do the cleaning up this time, but it didn’t take us long. Then we went up to the courts and played some badminton for a while. All the boys ever play is baseball, but I hate it, and none of us played. Mr. Farraday played basketball with some of the girls.

ME, LAST YEAR; 48th Installment

We were quiet for a while, and we took turns going out in pairs, to wash up. First the four of us, then Laura and Sally. I couldn’t get the goo out of my hair, and Jennifer helped me to wash that part with cold water, but it still felt icky. We talked about Sally, and decided that we owed it to ourselves to behave better than she had. So we’ll behave nicely to her, while she’s stuck with us and we’re stuck with her.

After we snuggled into our sleeping bags we just lay there not saying anything for a few minutes. Then someone giggled and we all started giggling. We started telling jokes and even if they weren’t so funny we laughed like it was going out of style. Maybe we were a little nervous, being in a cabin in the middle of nowhere and all that, and maybe even wolves were wandering around outside. It was awfully dark in there. Every now and then Donna would shine her flashlight at one of us and we’d yell at her.

None of us felt sleepy, although it was nice, in a way, lying there. Our noses got pretty cold, but not the rest of us. We decided to tell scare stories, and Jennifer told the first one, then me, then Donna, then Diane and Laura. Some of them were pretty scary.

Sally didn’t want to tell one, but we told her she had to, and she told us one about a ghost hand that appears in a window in a cabin in the woods all dripping blood and goes to look for a victim. It was the scariest story of all of them, and we all shivered in our sleeping bags. She ended the story by yelling, “and there it is!”, and she beamed her flashlight at the window at the end of the cabin and we all screamed.

Mr. Henderson came by on a patrol or something, and he opened the cabin door and said, “What’s going on, girls?”. We were so relieved to see him! We told him what we had been doing and he laughed and told us that this camp was strictly and officially off limits to bloody hands.

It seemed like forever, before we finally fell asleep, and I was glad to, because I felt so tired. I woke up once, and it was really quiet and black, and I could see stars through the window, and someone was snoring. I think it was Donna. Then I fell back asleep.

In the morning I woke up after Jennifer and then the others woke up. We just lay there in the bags, talking and we didn’t want to get up because it was really cold! The birds were singing outside, and it sounded beautiful. It smelled pretty good too, once you got above the mattress smell.

We heard someone going down the path and then Mr. Henderson’s voice called out, “up and at ‘em, breakfast’s in ten minutes!” I know I sure was hungry. My growling stomach told me so. Everyone was, I guess. Because we all squirmed out of our sleeping bags and jumped around trying to keep warm while we got dressed. Then we ran out to the privy, and had to run back in to get our jackets. And then the bell gonged.

Kids were running from all over the place, and shivering too, even with their jackets on. We had our choice of corn flakes or rice crispies, or cooked oatmeal for breakfast. And orange juice and hot chocolate, and toast. We made the toast ourselves, because the cook was busy doing the other things. Half of us had cooked cereal, because we were so cold. And it was really good! I think I had as much brown sugar, though, as oatmeal. It sure warmed us up.

Everyone was cheerful and friendly. Funny, even the stuck-ups seemed to behave nicely to everyone else. Not like at school. I guess they’re not so bad, after all. They’re older than us, and I guess maybe that makes a difference.

ME, LAST YEAR; 47th Installment

So Kerry got his pieces of wood and began rubbing them together like crazy. It didn’t even look like how I’ve seen pictures of aboriginals do it. Like twirling a stick in their palms with the end on another piece of wood. He just kept rubbing these two pieces of wood together like they were a grasshopper’s back legs, gone crazy, or something.

Mr. Farraday was in a better mood now, and he showed us how to make a kind of pyramid of sticks, and he told us we should try to keep our matches dry. He showed us how to catch the smaller, dryer twigs on fire first. Then we were supposed to make our own little hill of twigs, and we got two matches apiece to do our darnedest. It was fun, kind of. And Kerry was still busy, rubbing his sticks together, when everyone else was finished.

Mr. Farraday showed us how to douse the fire with sand, and then he said we could go and collect a lot of wood to make a bonfire, so we could toast marshmallows. Well, wow, what a good idea! We didn’t waste any time, and soon had a big fire going. We all sat around and toasted marshmallows. I’m sure that someone got a mushy, burnt marshmallow in my hair on purpose.

Kerry came over and said he had started his fire long ago, but he didn’t want to disturb us. We looked, but we couldn’t see any fire over in that direction, where he had been busy making his fire. He said he had put it out, like the good scout he was.

We sat around for a while singing songs, and it soon got pretty dark. So it was a good thing that Donna had taken her flashlight with her. Anyway, there were lights coming from the direction of the mess hall that kind of lit up the area. But it was nice and comfortable sitting around the fire and singing.

We were surprised to see Mr. Farraday get out a guitar and start playing. None of us had any idea he played any musical instrument. It just didn't seem like him, if you know what I mean. He was pretty good, too. The older girls pushed all over the place to get to sit next to him. Big deal.

When we went back to the cabin and started to get ready for bed Laura wasn’t with us. She soon came along though, and who do you think she had with her? Yeah, Sally. We didn’t look too friendly I guess when we saw her, but Laura said poor Sally hadn’t anyplace else to stay.

“Hey, that’s too bad!” Donna said. “What happened to all your friends?:

“There wasn’t enough room in the cabin.”

“So how come you had to leave? Why not someone else?”

“We took a vote”, Sally said, and she sounded really sullen.

“No kidding? Your friends voted to kick you out?” Donna asked, very nicely.

“No. They did not kick me out at … I offered to go. Really.”

“Really! That WAS nice of you. Imagine, girls. Sally offered to go.”

“Yeah, that’s just like Sally” Diane offered. “Always putting herself out for other people.”

Really, that sounded so funny, none of us could help snickering. Sally looked very uncomfortable, and Laura didn’t look too happy about the situation either. But they still stood there.

“Look, will you get that damn flash out of my eyes?” Sally said to Donna.

“Oooops! Sorry, Your Highness.

“Well, Sally”, Jennifer T said sweetly, “We’re very sorry you can’t be with your friends. Can we do something for you?”

“Actually”, Laura said in kind of a low voice, “I told Sally we would be glad to have her with us.”

“DID you now?” Jennifer said.

“Well, we DO have an extra bunk, don’t we?”

“Indeed we do. However, I think most of us would agree that we are very selective of our company.”

“Oh, come on, you girls. Have a heart! What’s she supposed to do now?”

“Why not ask Mr. Henderson?” I said helpfully.

“I did”, Sally said, and I’m sure she was glaring at me. (Her eyes glow in the dark, just like a cat out hunting) . “I did, and he said to come over to your cabin. That’s why I asked Laura.”

“Well, just a minute, Sally”, Jennifer said. “We’ll have to conduct a little survey here, of popular opinion on this dreadfully serious matter.”

And we all got together on Donna’s bunk, and talked for a minute, although we were just being mean, because we knew we’d have to take her in.

“We have decided, after much deliberation”, Jennifer said, “that you may join us. That’s the bunk you can use”, she said, pointing to the one left-over bunk. It had the smelliest, holiest mattress, and there was no pillow. But then, none of the mattresses were anything to make a housekeeper proud.

ME, LAST YEAR; 46th Installment

We heard two gongs and went off for the mess hall. Mr. Farraday said he was going to teach us several different methods of starting a fire and we all trooped back out again. He sent us scattering all over the place to find dry twigs and bigger pieces of wood, and had us pile it all up above the path where the land is kind of flat and there aren’t as many trees around.

Kerry said he knew a better way than Mr. Farraday’s, and Mr. Farraday said Kerry didn’t even know what way he was going to teach us.

“It doesn’t matter anyway”, Kerry said, stubborn like he always is.

“Well then, Kerry”, Mr. Farraday said, standing there looking down at Kerry hunkered down on his haunches, squatting like an miserable toad, “what method do you intend to employ?”

“I ain’t hiring no one to do my work”, Kerry said, and we all laughed. That cheered Kerry up, and one of his typical smirks wiped the angry look off his face.

“What I mean, Kerry”, Mr. Farraday said, standing there, with his fists on his hips, getting a kind of nasty edge to his voice (I don’t blame him, Kerry can try anyone’s patience) “is how do you intend to start your fire?”

“Oh, simple”, Kerry said, and stood up and reached into his back pocket to get out a magnifying glass.

“I see”, Mr. Farraday said. But I didn’t, because even I know you need a source of heat.

“Sure”, Kerry said, pushing out his chest. “I know how to take care of myself! I know what to do if I’m ever lost in the woods. What you do, is you get this-here magnifying glass and put it over a leaf or something and let the sun shine through it and whango! You get a fire!"

“Great, great Kerry. I can see you really know your stuff. I take it you’re going to demonstrate your fire-making prowess for us now?”

“Yeah, sure. Just watch me.”

“I hate to curtail your enthusiasm, my boy”, Mr. Farraday said kind of sarcastically. “but there happens to be a dearth of sun at the present time.”

“Huh?”

“The sun, Kerry. It’s going down. There does not happen to be sufficient radiation from that glowing orb to do you much good at the moment. If you do indeed intend to teach us how to light a fire by your method, I’m afraid we’ll be a long time waiting. Like until tomorrow afternoon?”

“Oh yeah. Yeah, that. Well, that’s okay. Tomorrow I’ll show you how to light a fire with the magnifying glass.”

“That’s just fine, Kerry. Now, will you be quiet and listen and watch my method?”

“No, Sir.”

“I BEG YOUR PARDON!” Poor Mr. Farraday was getting kind of red in the face. He looked like he was on fire. Mr. Henderson was standing nearby and it looked to me like he was having a bit of trouble with his face, it kept trying to break out in a broad grin or something. But he stood in the background and didn’t interfere. Maybe he was feeling good that it wasn’t him, for a change, that had to put up with Kerry.

“You’re excused”, Kerry said, like very innocently, but I know and most of us know he’s a lot smarter than some people think. “But I know there’s more than one way to light and fire, and I’m prepared to demonstrate my fool-proof other way.“

Half the kids were rolling on the ground laughing their fool heads off, yours truly excepted. I was too interested in hearing all of what was going on, and I just kind of kept my hands over my mouth and tried to look halfway intelligent. Hard work.

When Mr. Farraday noticed finally what a good time we were all having, he kind of gave a funny grin, and then he seemed to relax a little. He turned to Mr. Henderson, shook his shoulders like as if to say what’s the point?, then he turned back to Kerry.

“Okay Kerry, let’s hear your other method.”

“Yes Sir! What I’m going to do, Sir, Mr. Farraday, is get two pieces of wood see, and I’m going to rub them together and in no time at all, I’ll have a good fire going. Nothing to it, actually.”

“I see, you’re going to use friction to make a fire, eh Kerry?”

“That’s right, Sir. After all, we’re supposed to be learning something here, like roughing it in the woods. I see you’ve got matches, but Sir, what about when guys get lost in the woods with no matches?”

“Hmmm yes. I certainly see your point. Well Kerry, how would it do if you just went ahead and did your thing, and I’ll demonstrate to the rest of the boys and girls my method?”

“Oh sure, you just go right ahead. I’ll let you know when my fire’s started.”